Are they for real?

Who is that guy in the advertisement who brings in breakfast for his wife, the tray laden with perfect eggs, golden toast, bright orange glass of juice and a single long-stemmed red-rose sitting pretty in that crystal vase, and surprises her on that special day? Are these guys for real or are they for the reel? Forget the tray, forget the rose. A single marigold with tea would suffice!

If Mills & Boon dictates your imagination of a tall, dark, handsome guy, all powerful, rich and suave, who sends your pulse racing, his easy charm, good manners and baritone enunciation in perfect standard English, I’ve a little advice: please do not look for fiction in life; you will probably grow an old maid in pursuit of such accomplishments in men. Despite all the jokes on women that do the rounds, I know for a fact that in reality it is a preemptive exercise by men at covering their own follies.

The ring at the bottom of the wine-glass, discovered only at the last sip, the thrill of an oceanic-view holiday he has arranged, an invitation to the polo club while you watch him play, the guitar serenading he watches you enjoy, yes you can conjure all these pleasant moments to the dreary reality of sourness over the lights being left on, the late arrival of the newspaper, the cost of chocolates, and his weekend golf trips! Yes! sign that pre-nuptial, it just might keep him from growing that walrus mustache!  
 
When was the last tango? I cannot ever remember. How can one remember something that has never happened? If you had a dancing dream of your man swinging you to rhythmic soulful cadence, then think again. The toes will be the first casualty, and then he will amaze you with a wriggle like he’s got the hives, then if the desi music comes on, you will see him have wild angry trance-convulsions with perhaps one leg in the air, while you attempt to salvage your pride and watch him vie with the man next to you!

Have you imagined a pre-appointed dinner, a black limousine, the champaign chilling in the bucket in the back seat. The whiff of after-shave, the smart crisp strides to seat you. The smile, all-knowingly sensitive to the woman in you, and the romance you nurture in your heart. Forget it! He will pick the day and time, throw the car key your way, and explain how onerous the week has been and very nonchalantly request you to drive. Just X-out charm, chivalry, and sensitivity and you just might find your prince!