JOIN USWe are basically shy of tackling any matter that could have possible repercussions and therefore avoid any kind of confrontation. I realised quite late that this ostrich nature of ours only makes the situation bad if not irreparable.
A mother of two children I knew never faced a problem of both of them using subterfuge like keeping their performance under wraps. The day the paper was given to them they came to share their marks with her and their father however poor their performance.
Quite a few times, she had other parents asking her whether the marks have been given by the school and sometimes she had to resort to artifice to protect her children’s friends. Now that they have grown up they still share their performance in their respective colleges and also about their current ‘special friends.’ I am not sure if she would accept their choice for a life partner whole heartedly in future but the fact remains that they wouldn’t resort to eloping when the time comes, for they wouldn’t be scared to share their feelings with their parents.
Communication
The predominant factor for a failing relationship is lack of communication. People are afraid to openly share their pleasure and their angst leading to a festering of ill feeling that finally cuts the bond. Maybe it is the childishness in us that prevents us from sorting out the problem.
I remember an incident long time ago, when there suddenly seemed a definite aloofness between a good friend and me. After wracking my mind for a possible mistake from my end, I decided to confront her and ask her for the cause so that we can resolve the difference.
Despite, my attempt to thaw the frost in our friendship she steadfastly maintained that nothing was wrong. I gave up. Despite both of us being in the same city at present, we haven’t been in touch after that episode and I am still left in the dark for the possible reasons for the strained relationship.
On the other hand, my childhood friend and I had a fall out when we both were in our teens. We spent a few years avoiding each other but slowly reworked on our differences and are friends now though both are living in different states. I think both of us were adult enough to deal with the issue upfront in the latter example. Having a healthy self-respect is very important but it should not border on narcissism.
It is not only peevishness that mars a relation, but also the inability to appreciate the others for their actions and deeds. Untruths and half-truths are potentially debilitating aspects in building a good relationship. We all love a story and are fond of embellishing the truth, but very rarely do we stop and ponder on the repercussions of the above on our relationship with others.
Serious discord occurs when we try to make our actions appear in a favourable light rather than stick to the facts. My children always criticise me when they say my story writing ability interferes with my narrative skills of day-to-day occurrences. Very true, I am sure it would cause serious problems if my mentality was to cause problems like the characters of the daily soap operas!
Recently, I received a call from a young man who cleared his exams with a little help from my children and me during the summer vacations. That young man knows how to forge a ‘feel good’ rapport with others. It is very easy to forget the good. Remembering to thank others for whatever little help they extended, apologising for our mistakes and returning the calls that go unanswered are all a reflection of our inherent courage and strength.
Even if the task involves rejection of some help sought, it is okay to be upfront about our inability to do so rather than allow the calls to go unanswered. Nothing worth is easily gained! Similarly, building a peaceful and a long relationship with our close ones needs lots of hard work and an open mind.