Life, like that of a queen

What was the one good thing about the ‘good old days’ for women? Well, in case of a shipwreck, we were the first to be evacuated. So were children, but they were in our care, so it was the same difference. I, for one, don’t wish for the return of those days, nor am I nostalgic. Frankly, there was nothing in those days for the so-called weaker sex.

Now, take a look at Mary Kom, and then try calling us the weaker sex. Yeah, baby, we’ve finally arrived!

Our grandmothers were, perhaps, the last of the ‘family goddesses’, who were kept cloistered ‘for their own good’. They never actually bought a ticket, a stamp, a book, in their lives. Their value in the house was such that it could only be felt in their absence.
Our mothers had more exposure, in that they went places and undertook business transactions by themselves. However, they were limited to the domestic scene, too. But, thanks to the rapid progress of ideas and evolution of mankind in one short century, today we can travel the world alone and have a life outside of the narrow confines of home.

Yes, we women have come a long way. For us, many things have changed, some drastically; some things have stayed the same. Here is looking at them.

The metamorphosis that women have undergone comes from one key agent: education. Possessing the ability to focus and perform better than men their own age, women have begun to lead in academic accomplishments. These have, in turn, opened the door to opportunities that were accessible only to men. Today, we can be anything from bus conductors and barbers to CEOs and vice-chancellors. One thing that has definitely changed: people now give the word ‘Madam’ the same intonation as they do to ‘Sir’.

But unfortunately, some attitudes haven’t. The prevalent belief is that it is better to throw yourself off a moving train than work under a female boss. True, some women are capricious and extremely difficult to please, but then, so are some men. Furthermore, when confronted by an irate female, be it a colleague or boss, a man is apt to think, “Sheesh, it’s probably her time of the month.” Let’s face it, ladies, sometimes our bodies do dictate how we act. While women must try to limit the collateral damage in the workplace at such times, it has to be taken as an inevitable evil by all, and worked around. And just in case men are frustrated, disgusted or intimidated by oestrogen at work, it has to be remembered that women have been dealing with testosterone for long, actually since the dawn of time. So, the day is yet to come when a person’s abilities are measured solely by their performance and not around their anatomy or physiology, not to mention biochemistry.

It is not all the men’s fault, either. Growing up in households where allowances are made for girls, women enter the workplace thinking that men should pick up the slack, the tab and the table, whichever item the situation might call for. Sorry, women, but when we got the right to equal pay, it was for equal work, and not just the easier work. I know, it irritates most women no end to see a man stand around watching when a woman has to tote around something heavy, but hey, what is ketchup for the Sir is ketchup for the Madam too.

Honestly, it is at this time that the Cleopatra trait in all women comes out, and thank God, this has not changed much. When faced with being defeated and humiliated as a queen by the Romans, Cleopatra decided to make nice to Julius Caesar. It is a woman’s tendency and prerogative to try to get her work done with a coy smile and discreet flattering of the male ego, and some Cleopatras of today do get away by using this technique. Some men may dislike women who use their wiles, but every woman out there knows that it is a mostly weak but sometimes effective weapon she has been given. It also comes with an expiry date stamped indelibly on it. No matter how much you smile or bat your eyelashes, after a certain age and wear, the wiles lose their value and stop working. Men have an equivalent: their hair. When young, they can have it in a hippie-cut, afro, with a rubber band, etc., but when it goes, there is no getting it back.

At home, too, things have changed for women. For one thing, the most hated person status is now shared between the mother-in-law and the boss. For another, the kitchen has shrunk literally and figuratively, since prepared food of endless variety is available in plentiful quantities, and the stigma against eating out has vanished without a trace. Also, appliances have erased the need for physical labour at home, and with them, physical fitness without outside intervention has gone too. Instead of household chores, we now do aerobics, and instead of drawing water, we do resistance exercises. But while chores at home are a necessity, going to the gym is not. Therefore, we face obesity, with the attendant problems of aches and pains in the knees, back, etc.

Also, friends have now all but replaced relatives as contacts, and it is also possible to gossip in more ways than just over the backyard fence. Yes, you can trash and be trashed on SMS, MMS, email, Facebook, Orkut, Twitter, and LinkedIn, giving endless avenues to waste your time on. And never forget, if perchance you have a few minutes to spare between social networking or gymming, there is always the TV to supply the exact kind of tripe that you want to waste your time on.

But some vital things have stayed the same. One example is the money crunch. You might have thought that with women working, there would be huge savings. But with so many things to buy, women find that they’re having trouble making ends meet, just as their non-working mothers did.

And then there is childbearing and rearing, something that will probably never change, though some aspects of the two have changed. Since it takes a village to rear a child, finding that everyone in that village has their own life and no time to spare for your child is an unpleasant fact to face. The path now being taken is to outsource child rearing to maids, schools and tuition centres. Its dubious rewards are yet to be fully felt, though.

Marriages still work on compromise, though it is easier for women to get out of them these days. However, being single, whether it is by avoiding marriage or through divorce, still has its own problems.

The guilt factor hasn’t changed either. Earlier, women would feel guilty that they weren’t earning; today, women that stay home with children still have this feeling, while those that go to work feel guilty that they’re neglecting their children.

As for having control over their own lives, women have only exchanged one master for another. In the past, the mother, mother-in-law and the husband controlled a woman’s life; now her children do, whether it is telling her how to dress or how much money to make.

Girls just wanna have fun, sang Cyndi Lauper in 1979. Yes, when it comes to having fun, we are having a lot more fun than we used to. What with the freedom afforded by Scootygiri and other means, the jawan Sheelas are having more fun and freedom of choice than their mothers ever did. Of course, this is making the Ram Senas and the Talibans-at-heart hot under the collar. Moreover, some men can’t take a ‘No’ with grace or decency and react in the only way they know: violence. So in a way, women are in more danger than before, from honour killings, acid attacks and brutal knife attacks.
When all things are taken together, a somewhat surprising picture emerges. Woman has finally begun living… like a man. She now has his rights, but she still faces the limitations that her sex has put on her.

What we need to do is to take the final step to true liberation. We need to live like successful women. It will be a lifestyle where we can choose to work, have fun, stay home, or play, within the framework of family and society, but with complete freedom of choice.

When it happens, even men wish to live life Queen-size.