Teaching children about a life of self-centred unhappiness, and one of unselfish joy is quite a task unless you, the parent, understand it whole-heartedly, writes Mary Chelladurai.
True joy must be shared to be experienced. Parents who teach their children to consider other’s needs will reap the positive consequences of their efforts. Their children will automatically experience the joy of giving. This trait is not easily taught or understood. Instead of relegating this responsibility to schools, parents should accept this responsibility to imbibe this culture.
Fundamentally, generosity is either formed or omitted during the early years of a child’s life. Interestingly, children are not born with a natural inclination towards the joy of sharing. However, when we teach a child the joy of giving, they will grow up to experience the difference between a life of self-centred unhappiness, and one of unselfish joy.
Teaching a toddler to share his toy and experience the joy of giving is an exercise in futility. No parent can teach a toddler that “Ä” is for altruism. There are no toddlerhood patron saints. Remember, virtues do not come that easily to the little tykes. But when they observe their parents’ examples, they gradually begin to experience the joy of giving themselves.
A toddler of 3 or older is spontaneously affectionate. He can easily be moulded to imbibe habitual considerateness. He can readily learn this rather than at any other age short of adulthood, says Dr Benjamin Spocks in his book, “Raising Children In A Difficult time.”
Parents in particular and adults in general are live models for our children. Let us examine ourselves. For example, when a housemaid brings her little girl home, we immediately teach our children not to associate with the poor child by asking they play in the backyard. We justify our actions, offering lame excuses like, “What if the child passes on her infections to my child?” In this way, we silently and selfishly communicate to our wards that they should not mix with the poor and the needy.
When our children outgrow their clothes or toys, do we teach to give them away to needy people? No way! Instead, we preserve these for our relative’s well-to-do kids or even for our grandchildren! I recall a dialogue I overheard in my neighbourhood. This is how it went - “I have kept my baby’s toys and dresses for my sister’s child. She lives in Australia and will be coming home for delivery.” What a thought of giving!
Let’s consider another conversation between 2 toddlers. “My mother bought me a toy from abroad, she told me not to bring it out to play,” said one of them. “If you can’t play with it then what will you do with the toy?” returned the other. “Mama said I can only play with it inside my house and keep this to myself because it is expensive. Mama also said I cannot share this with anyone.” Is this what we teach our children these days?
All religions talk about the virtues of giving and sharing. Yet, we sometimes try to bribe god by offering huge sums to temples and churches or other holy places. The rich and famous offer gold, silver and diamonds to god’s in order to ward evil. On the other hand, thousands in our country go to bed hungry. If only we could experience the joy of feeding them and witness the unbridled joy on their faces!
How do we teach our children to give?
- Build a warm, happy, and secure home atmosphere. Studies show that children who come from such homes empathise with others.
- Constantly practice giving. Children learn quickly from tradition. When you take your child shopping for a festival, make sure you tell him to pick up some toy for your maid’s child.
- Be a cheerful giver at all times and not
just on occasions. Anytime is the right time to give. Being open-ended during
a festival season and a scrooge the rest
of the year, sends a warped message to your child.
- Get involved in giving! The less fortunate need your money, time, and effort. So when your maid or your driver’s child needs help in their studies take time out and teach them along with your child. Your child will also end up doing the same.
- Be happy when you give. Your child should experience the joy of giving; this will be learnt when he watches your joy when you give. When you give, smile and give with respect and do not make the receiver feel small and at the receiving end.
Let us practice the joy of giving. Our children too will learn to give and rejoice in giving thus making the world a more humane place to live in.