Accept and move on

In life, there are admittedly and indisputably several distressing, debilitating and morbid occurrences that can daunt even the bravest of the brave.

There are deaths, accidents, losses, tragedies, breakup of relationships and other misfortunes strewn in one’s path. To the uninitiated and inexperienced, these misfortunes may seem highly catastrophic and unnerving indeed.

However, behavioural experts and therapists aver that the worst perception and perspective to have is to be aware that something bad is happening but pretend that everything is OK, being selectively “blind” in only that particular area. Experts term this behaviour as “living in denial” and as one can see, one is only fooling one’s self.
Years ago, there was a woman who had a son who died of pneumonia. She had only one child, and with his death, she was inconsolable. She started ranting and raving, refusing to accept the situation. Finally, she went to a saintly man and told him that she would do anything for him if he brought her son back to life. The all-wise and sagacious saint could perceive the situation and yet did not want to be harsh to her as she was already extremely distressed. Yet, he knew he also had to make her see reality.

So, he devised a subtle plan. He told her to go to her village and bring back a single mustard seed from a family where no person has died. Then, he told her that he would bring her son back to life. Immeasurably relieved, the woman went to the village and visited each home. To every home she went, the families would tell her that they had lost great-grandparents, grandparents, and some even parents. Soon, it dawned on her that in every family, there WILL BE deaths as there is no such thing as life which goes on and doesn’t eventually end. Finally, she was able to ACCEPT the tragedy and realise that death is irrevocable and irreversible.

Some may say that accepting situations is not crucial to one’s life. However, behavioural experts aver that the main advantage of admitting, accepting and adapting to situations is that the parties in question learn to MOVE ON. Moving on is used mainly in breakup of relationships, but can also come under the ambit of loss, accidents, tragedies and other misfortunes.

“Living in denial” and not moving on can be very debilitating as one has reached a deadend situation and one is stuck in a rut, or is akin to being in a quagmire, bog or marsh. Dwelling and brooding on a broken friendship has no fruitful outcome and only results in making one more embittered and chagrined. In such situations, one tends to weep and wallow in self-pity.

One must gird up one’s loins, take a stand, call a spade a spade, accept the situation, adapt to its solution and review other options. To alleviate pain and poignancy, one can pray, meditate, do yoga or tai chi, practise auto-suggestion, or self-hypnotism, and who knows, one may come across better prospects, and perhaps greener pastures.