Travel light, be happy

It is imperative that, as women, we learn to let go of our mistakes and forgive ourselves. True, it is easier said than done. But with conscious efforts, we can master the fine art, opines Advaita Shyam Sunder

Struggling to forgive yourself for the trivial mistakes you’ve made? Struggling to find your way forward? Take a break, you’re human, not a robot. Whether or not we like to accept it, truth is, women are more sensitive than men, and so, we tend to take things to heart rather too easily.

Perhaps we’ve given our heart to the wrong guy, perhaps we weren’t great role model for the kids, perhaps we hurt someone on purpose in the heat of the moment. Reasons aplenty, we women fall prey to regret, self-pity and depression very easily. 

It wouldn’t be wrong to say that most of our womanly pressures come from ourselves, rather than “the society”. Thanks to our somewhat newly-acquired sense of emancipation, more often than not, we tend to nurse a very touchy pride, and we cannot bear to have anyone touch a nerve.

Add to that, our desperate need to prove we are no less than men, and that we are in fact better, multi-tasking our way through all and sundry...  We buy into the rather male definition of success which is equalled to power, money and constant overdriving towards professional goals. Women can have different views of success. Having a secure job could amount to success.

Learning gardening and gaining expertise in it could amount to success. Being a good mother could amount to success. We truly believe that we, as women, are our own masters.

We believe that we are the only ones who have a right to take a call on our life’s calling, our choices, our decisions. Resultantly, we tend to blame ourselves for all our actions. That is okay, for it shows we are mature and take responsibilities of our actions.

But we need to know the difference between being responsible and being whiny. Wallowing in guilt and self-pity will only shroud us in a blanket of depression. It is, undeniably, a crazy form of penance.

It is imperative that we learn to let go of our mistakes and forgive ourselves. True, it is easier said than done. But with conscious efforts, we can master the fine art.

Articulate the wrongs

Mistakes happen; take responsibility for them. Confess it to a close friend or mentor, who can reprimand you and tell you that you can do better. Never deny, suppress or forget your mistakes. Learn from them and grow out of them.

And if someone else has been hurt by your mistake, say sorry, and truly mean it. Just don’t go overboard, in case the person isn’t willing to forgive even after several attempts. Give them some time. If they still don’t forgive, just push it aside and get on with your life. 

Count the good things

You can’t give your undivided attention to everything in life. You have to narrow it down sometimes. So why not narrow it down to all the good things you have done and can do?

Do not bother about the mistakes you make along the way. Simply learn from them, and try to increase the number of good things you do. Also try and increase the number of people who benefit from your good deeds. It feels great when others are thankful for your actions. 

Stay a little childish

Every woman is subjected to monthly emotional highs and lows. As if this weren’t enough, we tend to burden ourselves with more than we can handle. Just because we were taught to “grow up” quickly and we hit puberty earlier than guys, doesn’t mean we should forget to enjoy life.

Have you seen how kids don’t hold back their feelings and how they just spit their anger or displeasure out? Take a cue from them. Sometimes all you need to do is vent out your anger. Do it, but don’t make a habit of it.

Channel your energies

Did you know that your emotions, too, are a form of energy? Be it positive or negative, every form of energy needs to be channelised. When negative energy goes unchannelised, it could turn into frustration, depression or even vengeance. 

When positive energy goes unchannelised, it could turn into lethargy, fatigue and idleness. So whenever you find yourself reliving bad experiences, just engage yourself in an activity that keeps you happy. The more physical the activity - like running, dancing, or swimming - the better. 

Rethink your identity

We have been so often told that women are supposed to be perfect, beautiful, thin, caring, a package of all virtues and goodies, that we tend to forget about our own expectations of ourselves.

Try to keep a few days of every week, or even a few hours of everyday as “me time”. Do what you love the most during those times. Utilise those times to discover the things that you are best at. Utilise those times to discover the things that truly matter to you.