That thing that never fails

The media may change, the message doesn’t. That feeling of deep affection remains the same, whether you convey it in a tech-savvy manner or the good ol’ way, writes Reethika Azariah Kuruvilla.

Back in the day, love was literally like a box of chocolates – you never knew what you’d get when you first said ‘hello’. Fast forward to today: the second you meet somebody remotely interesting, you find yourself (provided you’re not already wearing a pair of those exclusive Google glasses) checking your smartphone for access to his social networking profile and twitter handle. And voila! You know more about him than he’s told you; you know if you have anything in common - from music to books; and whether the conversation will really head anywhere.

Do you think this takes away from the charm of getting to know someone the traditional way, or is this savvy style of doing a bit of online research and analysis on the person a good thing? It may, perhaps, feel a little weird to have somebody, who’s barely made eye contact with you through dinner, send a friend request an hour later. But the good news is that you have a ‘quick search’ option to help you separate the wheat from the chaff, as it were.

Prominent psychologist and philosopher, Aaron Ben-Ze’ev, wrote a book in 2009 called Love Online that details the power inherent in Internet communication - essentially breaking down the usual barriers of shyness and cultural differences, to foster fantastically intimate relationships between people who might otherwise have not ever met.

There is, understandably, a lot more available on the Internet today, but the underlying concept remains the same. Relationships have, for centuries, been built on foundations much weaker than this. If anything, cyberspace does offer a safety net of sorts – allowing for a
background check on some, and a place to start a conversation – something that you might not be able to do in real life.

And love, the lucky ones will tell you, is often found in places where we least expect. While there may still be stories of lifelong relationships and bonds being formed at random railway stations and via friends of friends, nowadays there is a greater likelihood of meeting someone over a coffee, but actually connecting with them only on the social media.

There’re acquaintances you find more in common with on twitter rather than at the regular meeting grounds; the cousin of a friend who asks you out to a horror movie because, amazingly, your profile says you like watching such flicks.

Whichever way you look at it, love, no matter where it begins, remains the same through the years and no amount of technological advancement is ever going to change that. The emotion doesn’t  really change, ways of expression do.

BBC did an interesting feature a couple of months ago on ‘Living Online’ that told the story of a couple who met through a common interest - playing World of Warcraft. Were it not for their shared obsession for the online role-playing game, they would never have ended up getting married to each other.

Because, quite simply, the idea of one obsessed with avatars in alternate reality online games does bring up the image of somebody glued to a monitor in sweatpants at home, alone – not, really, the life of the neighbourhood party.

But this is the new-age. And the sooner we get used to it, the better. From teens to senior citizens, the advent of social media has been a boon in a world that seems to only get smaller. Your relationship status, that can often garner a lot of uninvited interest in a ‘complicated’ situation, can change with a click of a button; making new friends is that simple now. 

Of all things in this ever-changing world, from global warming to the latest smartphone in the market, the one thing that remains constant is the genuine feelings that we as human beings
experience towards each other and our ability to connect on an emotional level. As Bob Dylan so wonderfully sang, “the times, they are a changing…keep your eyes wide, the chance won’t come again.”

As days add up to years and cassettes make way for compact discs and iPods, and phones practically become the new laptops, the pace at which we live our lives seems to keep spinning faster and faster.

Today, please stop a while to take a deep breath, to smell the roses, to listen to your heart. Love never changes; it is there to be embraced and shared. Love today is, essentially, the same feeling it was yesterday and will stay the same tomorrow.

It’s absolutely fine if you don’t believe in the need for a Valentine’s Day to express your love. You can make any day the day of love; take a moment to tell somebody in your life how much they mean to you, how you love them now and always will.

From that grand-aunt who sends you a birthday card every year, even if you’re closer to 40, to the friend you forget to call, but often think of when you see something that reminds you of her. Take some time off during your day to make a call or post a quick message on their ‘wall’ to say you love them and are thinking of them.

A little thought and feeling goes a long way; it may come around all the way back to you, who knows! Take advantage of lessons learned yesterday to love more today. 

For, what’s love?  It’s the feeling of being wanted and cherished. Love’s fate lives within us; you only have to be brave enough to see it. Love is eternal, love is patient, love is kind; in the words of the Great Book, “it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.”

So, folks, here’s wishing you all a very happy Valentine’s Day!