Focus on what you can control

Dear Madam,
I am an extremely shy person. As a result, I often get bullied for not talking and socialising with others, and get called studious and serious all the time. However, this is not the case. How can I overcome this situation?
Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
It may be helpful for you to understand your shyness a little more. Shyness often is the result of fear of the judgement of other people. We fear what they will think about us and how they will judge us. We fear a negative impression that we may make on them. We fear that if we interact with them, then they will come to know who we really are and their opinion of us will not be good. We predict this negative judgement from others about us. So, try and talk to a counsellor who may be able to understand this fear of judgment and help you interact with others more easily. Being shy is different from being an introvert. Being an introvert means you prefer to be by yourself in a quiet, less stimulating environment. Being shy means you fear negative judgment. Decide who you truly are and then act accordingly.

Dear Madam,
I am a recent graduate and will soon start working in a corporate environment. However, as this is my first job, I fear that I may not fare well in my new role. How can I overcome this fear and give my best?
Recent graduate

Dear Recent graduate,

 

A first job is an exciting time. You are about to enter the next phase of your life. Congratulations! Remember, success in the workplace is more often a result of your confidence, your ability to learn on the job, your ability to solve problems and think out of the box, your ability to be an effective team member, and a leader, your communication skills and several other such soft life skills, than your existing knowledge about the job. That is something you are meant to learn on the job, not necessarily possess beforehand. Your ability to learn quickly and adapt to situations is what will hold you in good stead. All change is scary and often difficult because it requires you to step out of comfort zone. It may be helpful to talk this through with a counsellor who can help you understand why you are interpreting it negatively and what your fears are. Good luck and give yourself a chance before being a fortune-teller who predicts failure!

Dear Madam,
I tend to worry and fret over tiny things that occur due to circumstances beyond my control. Due to this, I am unable to finish the task at hand. What can I do to
ensure that I do not get stressed?
Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
I think it is important for each one of us to focus only on what we can control. We often have a need to control everything that is going on, not only in our lives, but sometimes even in the world. The reality is that we cannot control anything outside of ourselves. We cannot control our family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, the man on the road, the weather, the world. There will always be things, people and events that we cannot control. We can only control ourselves – our thoughts and perceptions, how we interpret things and people around us, and how much we allow them to rule us and influence us. So, whenever you feel you are getting into this downward spiral, ask yourself what you can control and focus only on that. Let the rest of the world go on. And if you have difficulty doing this on your own, take the help of a counsellor. In case you cannot access a counsellor, call the free Parivarthan Counselling Helpline at 76766 02702.

Dear Madam,
As a Class 12 student of Science, I am often expected to either get into Engineering or Medicine. However, I do not have interests in either of them. As I am artistic, I either want to take up interior design or be an artist. While my parents support me, they do not fully agree with my career choice. How can I make them understand my choice and create a balance between my passion and work in the future? Kindly guide.
Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
Your parents will be happy, so long as you are happy. Talk to them about your passion for the field, what you hope to achieve, how you think it will be fulfilling for you. But more importantly, talk about how you plan to make a living in that field. That is probably their utmost concern and if you are able to help them see your point of view and understand your plan, it may put some of their fears to rest. But to do that, you must give it some thought yourself and see how you are going to leverage your interest and passion to make a living. This process will force you to think through your options and take the necessary steps to not only pursue a particular area of interest, but to pursue it with a passion that will make you excel in it and make a difference. It may be helpful to talk to people in the field to get ideas from them and understand what you need to do in your journey to succeed. Once your parents understand your passion for the field and are confident that you have thought this through, they will come around, because ultimately, all that they would want is ultimately for you to be happy. Good luck!

 

Maullika Sharma is an MBA graduate with specialisation in counselling. She works with parents and adolescents.

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