Q&A: Every child is different

Dear Madam,

I am a Class 7 student. Though I study well for my exams, my parents feel that my preparation is not enough and urge me to go in depth. I know that it is a very good practice and I am trying my best to do so. Also, I tend to compare myself to others in my class. My parents don't encourage this and they say that I should beat myself. Please guide.

Surya

Dear Surya,

You seem to be doing really well while being able to maintain a balance. The number of hours you study is not important. Some students need more hours to study and some need less for the same end result. Focus instead on putting in your best effort and working to achieve your own potential. I agree with your parents about not comparing yourself with others, but rather competing only with yourself, striving to constantly better yourself (and that does not necessarily mean get more marks or put in more hours). You just don't want to find yourself in a situation where you regret not having worked harder, and achieved what you were capable of achieving. If you feel satisfied with the current level of effort you are putting in then that is okay. After all you are the best judge of what you have done and need to do.

Don't let others pressurise you about it. Don't be driven by your parents' expectations of you. Instead be motivated by your own expectations of yourself. That is a more 

fulfilling and satisfying 

journey to take.

Dear Madam,

I am a shy person and find it hard to make friends easily. Could you suggest a few ways in which I can come out of my shell and make good friends?

Arya

Dear Arya,

Thank you for your mail. Given that you are a shy person, this must have been an extremely difficult thing for you to do. But I am glad you did. Often times we are shy because we are fearful of the judgment others may make about us if they were to 'see' us. And so we prefer to not make ourselves known and try to 'hide'. It will be very helpful for you to meet a counsellor who will help you understand what your fears are that make you shy.

Once you are able to acknowledge and overcome those, making friends will be so much easier. If you are not able to meet a counsellor face to face, reach out to the free Parivarthan Counselling Helpline at [phone] and you will be able to speak to a counsellor who will help you get started on your journey of overcoming your fears and making friends.

Dear Madam,

As a result of an injury that did not heal well, I have a visible mark on my forearm. Though I do not think much about it, I get conscious about it when people start pointing at it and begin to look at me with a pity and begin to tell me what I can do to remove it. This has hampered my self-esteem and confidence. How can I confidently stand up for myself when people begin to give me 'free advice'? Please guide.

A Student

Dear Student,

What do you think would happen if you were to tell them that you don't really want the scar to go away because it is a 'battle scar' that reminds you of your journey in dealing with the injury and make you feel strong and capable? It is something you are proud of and don't want it to go away? People try to be helpful, but unfortunately can do it only in ways that they know. Very often pity and giving advice are all they are capable of. This is not a reflection on you, but on their naivety. Don't let that define you. You may benefit from talking about this with a counsellor so if you can take the help of a counsellor grab the opportunity.

Dear Madam,

I have trouble sleeping at night. This is starting to affect my studies as I am only able to sleep for two or three hours. I have tried many methods to help me fall asleep easily but none have worked so far. Could you suggest as to how I can overcome this issue?

Nithin

Dear Nithin,

Having trouble sleeping can be due to a variety of reasons like medical and psychiatric conditions, unhealthy sleep habits, lack of exercise, specific substances, too much exposure to screens before sleeping, among other things. It is hard to give you a generic solution as one will need to understand the reasons for the insomnia first. I suggest you start with a medical exam to rule out any medical conditions that may be causing it, and then work with a counsellor to see if there are emotional issues that are preventing you from having a good night's sleep. Make sure you are doing things which are under your control like exercise, sleeping at the same time every night, not using any screens for a couple of hours before you sleep, doing some calming meditation before sleeping, maybe having a bath at night just before sleeping followed by a glass of warm milk. Build a sleep routine for yourself and follow it diligently. Good luck.