<p>I have never thought I was much of a control freak. I have always bragged about being able to go with the flow. Yesterday, though, I was exposed as the control fool, that I really am. <br /><br />I was finishing up a proposal to a literary agent, complete with query and sample chapters. To writers, creating the query letter and the proposal are sometimes harder to do than writing the entire book. Frankly, for a long time, now, I have announced that I knew that god is in charge of my life so I was aloof when I wrote things, not too concerned about whether they were accepted or rejected. <br /><br />Yesterday showed me that I am not the detached spiritual aspirant that I thought I was. I was finishing up the last edit of the material I was going to print and send when suddenly the current went off. I knew the computer had about 10 more minutes on battery and I was literally only seconds away from being finished. In semi darkness, I pressed Control Save, to keep the material in the perfect shape I'd finally achieved. <br />Then, all of a sudden, I saw the screen go blank! Everything was deleted! What was happening? Then the computer signaled that I had only a few seconds to shut it down and exit since the electricity had not come on yet. With a huge sigh of frustration, I did that. Waiting for the lights to come back on I managed to call my computer technician and he said not to worry, the "lost" material would be able to be restored somehow. <br /> Before long, the electricity was back on and I was madly searching the Recycle Bin and every other place on the Mother Board for my file, "Submission Details". After 29 minutes of mounting frustration, I knew the sad truth. The material was vaporized! Then I saw what might have happened in the quasi darkness. I timidly asked the fellow, more than half my age: What happens if you accidentally hit Control Z instead of Control S? He said, with the serenity of detachment, "Everything gets undone." My heart thumped madly. <br /><br /> I came to my grandmotherly senses. Why did I imagine, once again, that I was in control of anything in my life? I had forgotten what I'd struggled for years to integrate into my conscious awareness, God is the only cause and the only effect. Today, I will remember who the Real Doer in my life is! I don't want to be exposed, again, as a Control Fool.</p>
<p>I have never thought I was much of a control freak. I have always bragged about being able to go with the flow. Yesterday, though, I was exposed as the control fool, that I really am. <br /><br />I was finishing up a proposal to a literary agent, complete with query and sample chapters. To writers, creating the query letter and the proposal are sometimes harder to do than writing the entire book. Frankly, for a long time, now, I have announced that I knew that god is in charge of my life so I was aloof when I wrote things, not too concerned about whether they were accepted or rejected. <br /><br />Yesterday showed me that I am not the detached spiritual aspirant that I thought I was. I was finishing up the last edit of the material I was going to print and send when suddenly the current went off. I knew the computer had about 10 more minutes on battery and I was literally only seconds away from being finished. In semi darkness, I pressed Control Save, to keep the material in the perfect shape I'd finally achieved. <br />Then, all of a sudden, I saw the screen go blank! Everything was deleted! What was happening? Then the computer signaled that I had only a few seconds to shut it down and exit since the electricity had not come on yet. With a huge sigh of frustration, I did that. Waiting for the lights to come back on I managed to call my computer technician and he said not to worry, the "lost" material would be able to be restored somehow. <br /> Before long, the electricity was back on and I was madly searching the Recycle Bin and every other place on the Mother Board for my file, "Submission Details". After 29 minutes of mounting frustration, I knew the sad truth. The material was vaporized! Then I saw what might have happened in the quasi darkness. I timidly asked the fellow, more than half my age: What happens if you accidentally hit Control Z instead of Control S? He said, with the serenity of detachment, "Everything gets undone." My heart thumped madly. <br /><br /> I came to my grandmotherly senses. Why did I imagine, once again, that I was in control of anything in my life? I had forgotten what I'd struggled for years to integrate into my conscious awareness, God is the only cause and the only effect. Today, I will remember who the Real Doer in my life is! I don't want to be exposed, again, as a Control Fool.</p>
