'Targeting children won't help'

This is a straight truth. In the recent times, parents and teachers have become more intolerant towards younger generation. We have not given them space or time to find their own mould. We have forced the mould on them, mostly based on social pressure and our expectations stemming out of our own failures.

We want them, only to reflect our success, even when we are wrong.
The increasing instances of students targeting teachers, sometimes even going to the extent of killing them, is a case of misplaced anger. Most of the times, the students who go to this extent, would have received some encouragement for ‘expressing’ their anger against teacher in some way or the other.

When teachers and parents deal with such difficult students, they target the person and not the issue - that of performing well in studies.

Fair rules

Children who are turning into adults are struggling with their identities. They don’t like to hear that they ‘have’ to do something. They like to have choices. Parents and teachers need to give them these years to find their identity. Don’t isolate them when they are in conflict, or reward them only when they obey your words. Teachers have to have more one-on-one conversations with problem students than deal with them through humiliating them in front of everyone in the class.

This will enrage them even further. Rewarding good behaviour is fine, but ground rules have to be set for everyone alike - they like to be treated as grown-up and responsible persons. For instance, parents often lay down rules for children - like fixing dinner time or bedtime - but give themselves a generous margin.

This does not go down well with children. Holding confidential, free-wheeling talks, putting their fears to rest, addressing their concerns largely helps. If parents feel their children need more attention, they should not hesitate taking them to a psychologist, who can assess the child’s limitations, capacities and potential better.    

As told to Preethi Nagaraj of Deccan Herald

(The interviewed is a psychotherapist, NLP practitioner and hypnotherapist.)

Related Stories

The fall of the age-old Guru

Some clean, some unclean slates

Positive disciplining a casualty of RTE?

Teachers targeted