'Housefull 5' movie review: Enough of this tiring franchise

It’s the Housefull series, so you already know the drill — brains optional, logic minimal, clothing scarce.

This time, it's a cruise with a murder or two (or was it three?), all crammed between songs that in no way help the story. Wait, 'story'? The franchise never bothered with one.  

Yawn voyage! The only thing setting sail is your patience.

So you have a dozen blokes and their girlfriends/wives, who keep swapping partners, and at no point do you actually know who’s with whom (not that anyone cares). 

No matter how much one tries to overlook the crass masquerading as comedy, there isn’t a single scene that genuinely lands a laugh. 

The plus? At nearly three hours, there is ample time for naps without missing a thing. 

Amid the snoozefare, a few wildlife from the old stable make their customary appearance. The foul-mouthed parakeet and two vengeful monkeys are on a mission — to settle scores with Akshay Kumar. Well, the man has a history. And that’s besides the sexist jokes and cringe-worthy lines he mouths.

He is in good company. Riteish Deshmukh and Abhishek Bachchan join Jackie Shroff and Sanjay Dutt (who turns the British police into a running gag), completing the lineup of body-part jokes as they look for a masked murderer on the ship.

As more characters (and corpses) keep tumbling out of cupboards, the women's brigade — Jacqueline Fernandez, Sonam Bajwa, Nargis Fakhri, Chitrangda Singh and Soundarya Sharma — plays 'who bares, wins'.

This house is bursting at the seams with nonsense, it needs an eviction notice.