A murder is announced

Set in the Bangalore underworld of the 1990s, this slim volume is Agni Sreedhar’s honest peek into his own life, loves and compulsions.

So, you have decided that we will kill you tonight?’ ‘It is not for me to decide. Your boss has decided and it is for you to execute. I know that for certain.’

I began to get slightly irritated. I could not figure out if it was because he was talking like a philosopher or because I was helpless even as he was talking about us killing him in cold blood. Sona had not done any harm to me at all. I had never approved of killing for money, without any personal reasons. Even with regard to my boss, Sona was only fielding and was not supposed to pull the trigger. But despite my slight irritation, I was still curious to know what he wanted to share with me. I spoke very clearly in a futile attempt to change the subject. ‘Look, there is no use repeating it. If we have to kill you, we will definitely do it. But I don’t know anything about it. It’s not for me to make such a decision. Let us talk about something else.’

He pursed his lips and guffawed. Then he quietened down and focused on his cigarette. Finally, he sighed.
‘I suppose you are right’. But when a person knows he is going to die, he cannot think of other things. Waiting for death becomes intolerable. At least he feels like sharing what’s on his mind. ‘I have been in your shoes countless times, but I never tried to understand the feelings of the other persons. I can say for certain that I never ever tried to understand.’

I felt a deep sense of shame engulfing me. Instead of consoling and comforting him as he stood on the threshold of death, I was hurting him and being petty-minded. Till I actually put my hands on him I decided I should not behave in this inhuman manner. I had read that even Nazi soldiers would caress the heads of Jewish children before killing them brutally. They had confessed that before killing they would think of the children as their own. But once the orders were pronounced, they became automated killers and unthinkingly pulled the trigger. But in my case, I was not being controlled to the extent of losing my freedom. I still had my freedom. I should therefore, not be so petty-minded. This was the time for me to bring out and show the humane side of my personality. I decided that I had to comfort him.

‘Please tell me whatever you want to share.’

He was quiet for some time and then asked, rather unexpectedly, ‘You don’t seem to fit into this business.
How did you come into this line of work?’ I was amused. The one who was going to die any minute was curious about me! ‘First of all, I am not in the same creed as you. Secondly, I did not enter this world because I wanted to. I was compelled to drift into it due to certain incidents. All that seems like a million years ago. Forget it, it’s not interesting. Tell me about you. When did you…?’

‘I entered this world at a very young age. I ran away from home to Mumbai when I was twelve…’ ‘Your parents?’
For a quick second, he looked absolutely desolate. ‘Please, let us not talk about them. I was dead to them long back. Apart from the fact that I once lived in Mangalore, there is no connection with them. A couple of times, I went to visit them, but they did not welcome me and threw me out.’

‘I used to work as a waiter in a hotel, a long time ago. A man called Kalia Anthony used to frequent that hotel. By the way, do you have any idea about the Mumbai underworld? Have you heard of Kalia?’

‘I have read about Kalia in the newspapers. He was a real tiger in the Mumbai underworld. Never bowed down to anybody. Never joined hands with the big names, but always confronted big gang leaders alone. I came to know him at the hotel. Now and then, he would give me four or five hundred rupees. After I turned fifteen years old, he told me to quit the waiter’s job and put me up in a friend’s house. That house owner turned out to be a bootlegger and I started earning a lot of money by working for him. And then one day, Kalia took me along with him to meet someone … usko tapkane ke liye!’
I was listening to him in silence and he asked, unsure if I understood, ‘Do you know what is “tapkana”?’
I shook my head. ‘In the Mumbai underworld, tapkana means to murder. When Mumbai boys say “tapkane ke liye jaana”, it means to kill someone.’

‘You entered this world when you were fifteen!?’ I exclaimed. ‘Yes … at what age did you begin?’ I did not like to talk about the killings I was involved in, not even in private. ‘Excuse me,’ I replied. ‘I have only participated at a very personal level. I am not into killings in the sense that you are.’ ‘You are lying!’ ‘Why do you doubt me?’ He looked at me defiantly.

‘Are you not killing me now? What is personal about me to you?’ It was my turn to fumble. Definitely, this was not personal to me. In my normal life I would never imagine killing him. Even he, with all his Mumbai background, could not have imagined being killed by me. No, there was nothing personal at all. In any case, even with me, it was personal only in the beginning. Later, it was not so. He was right. I was lying. It was not an easy journey but I had made a place for myself. Yet, I knew that though I was respected for my capabilities, I wasn’t indispensable. There is no individuality in this line of work, no matter how big a name you become. The minute you die, somebody else will take your place. The show will go on.

(Excerpted with permission from ‘The Gangster’s Gita’ by Agni Sreedhar.)