Liberation, silent battles and dreams: The journey of women learning Indian classical dance later in life

"It is never too late to be what you might have been".

While this author has come across the quote in previous occasions, not much thought was given to it until last year. This is when the author, at the age of 24, began learning Odissi -- the Indian classical dance. This was the first step in making a childhood dream come true.

The first day of class had this author feeling a bit apprehensive but excited. Tying ghungroos to ankles, the author started off with bhumi pranam, a prayer asking the earth for permission before dancing. The guru began teaching the basics, and despite initial raw movements, the sense of joy was undeniable.

The class had young girls placing the author squarely among the older ones. It made one, not self-conscious, but mindful of one's age.

But then, there were three women, who were likely in their late 30s, dancing gracefully. After the class ended, the author had a chat with them, and it turned out they had joined not so long ago! The feeling of not being alone, gave the author a confidence boost.

April 29 is celebrated as International Dance Day. On this occasion, DH spoke with women who, like the author, began learning Indian classical dance like Odissi and Bharatnatyam later in life, to discern if it is ever 'too late'?

Redefining the notion of 'too late'

It is quite a bold step to start learning something at an age where many voices are telling you, "Oh, it's too late". A fear of judgment crawls in, and the unfamiliarity remains.

"I was probably the oldest in class, I was the odd one out," says Haripriya, a doctor by profession who began learning Bharatnatyam in her early 40s. In her words, giving time to what you are learning will let you get off the self-consciousness factor.

Haripriya's journey started when she enrolled her daughter in Bharatnatyam classes, but got tempted herself and decided to switch things up, eventually becoming a part of the dance crew.

For some, being able to learn Indian classical dance was a childhood dream that was delayed. Mini Somakumar, an Odissi dancer and homemaker, whose love for the art form struck at the point when she saw her guru performing, said, "Watching the performance transported me to a different world. The vibe inside the auditorium and the music was the perfect add-on."

"I wanted to be a part of this world," Mini said to herself firmly, and that is how she began her dance journey at 40. "My first reason for learning Odissi was to find some time for myself, and eventually, find myself," she added.

Being able to learn and master an art form gives an individual a certain kind of satisfaction, which they consider a blessing. On these lines, Mini shared something that struck a chord.

"Through dance you can relive your childhood," she said with ardour in her voice. Classical dance tells stories through abhinaya, where the dancer portrays different characters. "A dancer depicts childhood games like hopscotch, hide and seek in Nritya, where one becomes a child again," she added, emphasising the fact that one needs to overlook their age while dancing.

Tripura Kashyap, a dance movement therapist (DMT) and an educator who works with creative movement, highlighted the factors a woman emotionally feels when she takes up dance in her middle age. "There is a heightened self-esteem — a kind of emotional release that happens through dance, and they radiate confidence," she noted.

Dance as a liberating force for women

Odissi dancers before a performance

Dance, especially Indian classical dance, has a quiet yet powerful way of liberating women. In the words of Mini, when a woman dances, she breaks through from her thoughts that weigh her down or lock her up.

Many women shared their stories of juggling between duties at home and fulfilling their passion for dance. The household chores and taking care of kids were always their priority. Some live in a joint family where they have to look after everything, which delays their dream of learning dance.

Srudhi Retheesh, who has a degree in chemical engineering, is a homemaker and began learning Odissi at 33. Her 20-year-old son was diagnosed with autism at the age of two. Since then, Srudhi had to keep aside her plans of pursuing further studies. "I never got to work," she said.

"When I embarked on my dance journey, I had a lot of stress, so I never thought I would be able to do this," she added.

However, navigating through the ups and downs that life had, she maintained her fervent dedication to dance and believed that one has to have an identity of their own which they can showcase through something they are passionate about.

Eventually, the women learnt to balance both home and passion; however, sometimes there were instances where they had to set aside dance for other tasks.

Passion and guilt go hand in hand

Dance movement therapist and counselling psychologist Salonii Khemanii elucidated that dance is liberating. She highlighted the need for being independent when someone wants to pursue something like dance for self satisfaction, although this choice can come with guilt and suppression.

Mini shared her story revolving around the guilt that she had to go through when she took up her passion for dance seriously. There were instances when her family asked, "Do you really have to go?". Saying "yes" was tough, she recounted.

Srudhi recalled the days when she had to be at the rehearsals till late, and upon reaching home, when she saw her family asleep, the guilt hit hard; she said with a quiet ache in her voice.

But guilt comes as a part and parcel of it and these women found the resilience to face it.

However, the responses to the guilt aspect differed in other instances.

Haripriya believes in having no regrets. "I don't want any regrets. Guilt should not bog one down. We all have guilt and regrets, we are all humans," she said with determination.

Rajashree, a 33-year-old QA engineer who began learning Bharatnatyam, brought into the sharp focus on how, in some cases, a woman has been living for someone else — be it family, colleagues at the workplace, or spouse. However, once you start dancing, you realise you are important too, she said.

DMTs explained that when it comes to guilt and passion, homemakers and corporate women face different emotional blocks when it comes to expressing themselves. A homemaker, in some cases, faced societal pressures, and the need to prioritise domestic duties; on the other hand, a working woman had to address the work-life balance factor, which is also very crucial.

Abhinaya stands better on lived experiences

An ensemble performing on stage

Dance can act as a way of processing suppressed emotions or unspoken stories. Life experiences can deeply enrich one's abhinaya and bring a whole new dimension to expression. When someone has lived through the joys and sorrows, the love, loss, longing, hope, and resilience that life brings, their expression comes from a very real, lived space. This depth cannot always be taught; it often comes from within.

Madhulita Mohapatra, a renowned Odissi dancer and choreographer, has guided many of her students in their 30s and 40s. She defined their energies to be "one that is grounded in life experience, self-awareness, and emotional maturity." Many of these women have waited for years to finally make time for something they have always cherished in their hearts.

Indian classical dance has strong roots in history. One of the crucial aspects of it is navarasa, which portrays nine fundamental emotions that humans often show. There are specific routines in dance that are based on navarasa, which let the dancer tap into her untapped energy.

"My lived experiences have helped me perform abhinaya better as the feelings and emotions are deeper. Going through pain, facing fears, and joy has helped me express more because I have lived them," Srudhi said.

Sisterhood by dint of dance

Bharatnatyam students with their guru

Individuals with similar backgrounds and life stories bond well. They understand the struggles, have each other's backs, and celebrate their wins together. These dancers found ‘soul sisters’ by dint of dance classes, who support each other through their inhibitions.

"Many women have a similar refrain when they say they feel isolated," DMT Tripura observed. "I have noticed that after any creative movement, women have a verbal reaction and they talk to each other. They feel like they have stunted themselves emotionally, physically, and socially as they were busy being the nurturer for their family, and they lost themselves," she added.

If a woman is surrounded by women who can empower her, there will always be a sense of belongingness and security.

DMT Salonii noted that, "At the end of the day, only a woman understands a woman on a spiritual and holistic level. This can only exist in an environment that promotes empowerment, security, and power. For those who do not have that kind of support system at home, dance for them in its entirety can be a great space to find companions and meaningful friendships."