Rewriting herstory

History, they say, repeats itself. But in this enlightened age of gender parity and empowerment, it’s time we prevented this from rehappening, and make sure herstory gets its due, writes Indu Balachandran

Consider this: a lot of history itself may have played out differently if only women had had more starring roles, focused on women rather than men. Take that incident we all know, written in the world’s largest selling book. If only God had been a woman, she may have made the forbidden fruit a grapefruit (39 calories only) rather than an apple (116 calories). Even then, Eve may have left it alone, as it isn’t easy reaching for a grapefruit and taking a quick surreptitious bite, as it is with an apple. And the world may have been spared a lot of evil. Or in further chapters... If only there had been Three Wise Women. They would’ve asked for directions, instead of merely following a star, arrived well on time to assist with the delivery of the baby, and also brought more practical gifts for infants like rattles, teething rings and
pacifiers. Or how about that touring gentleman, sponsored by Queen Isabella, who set off to discover India, and got totally lost along the way. Now if only he’d asked his wife to hop on board too. Mrs Columbus wouldn’t have been stubborn about not asking a passing ship the correct way to India, and our trade agreements with Spain would have begun much earlier.

The Grimm Brothers should’ve been more forward-thinking too, in their fairy tales. If they had written ‘The Sleeping Handsome,’ it would have inspired more women to make the first move in a romantic relationship, instead of waiting a hundred years for their first kiss.

Pre-conceived assumptions

I dropped in the other day to see how my newly married good friends Maddy and Molly were doing, especially since they now had a baby called Madly, (a non-gender-specific name chosen ahead of the baby’s arrival; a skilful combo of both their names).

Dressed in shades of blue, I assumed the cute little baby was a boy, but I was ticked off by Molly for such a (historical) assumption of colour-coding, as it was in fact a baby girl.

I joined Molly in the nursery later, to see her read a bedtime story to her baby, called ‘Prince Cinders’. It was all about a good hard-working guy who was made to do all the housework by his two evil step-brothers, and prevented from going to a fancy ball — till a fairy godfather arrived and completely changed everything and made it a magical night. I was happy to know that storybooks for today’s kids were keeping things politically correct and relevant to a new generation, by teaching them right from the cradle, that sweeping and swabbing had to be a guy’s responsibility too. My glance fell on other fairy tales, books re-written for these times. How sensible! I could guess how the plot of The Frog Princess went, and also Jill and the Beanstalk.

Molly’s Person Friday popped in to ask if I would be staying back for dinner. So Molly had a good helper at home! But I told the cook, sorry Person, I had to decline as I was a vegetarian, and I could smell pot roast in the kitchen. Molly understood, because one woman’s meat is another woman’s poison.

A woman’s best friend

Before I left I complimented Molly on the fine way she was running her home, and bringing up her baby girl, besides looking trim and shapely again. “Really? I thought I still look fat in most of my clothes...” I went away after a quick pat on the head of their pet dog Bo, or perhaps it was a bitch. But keeping in mind Molly and Maddy’s gender-consciousness, I thought: if only the dog had been declared a woman’s best friend, rather than a man’s. Dogs would then instinctively know how to shake their heads sideways, to indicate ‘no’ whenever a woman stood in front of the mirror and asked, “Am I looking fat in this dress?”

Or if only America had made a woman walk on the moon first. Apart from less messy boot marks, and far neater footprints on the moon, thanks to stilettos, womankind would have leapt a long time ago.

(He said/She said is a monthly column on gender issues — funny side up. The author switched to a career in advertising/writing as world markets may have collapsed if she ever became an economist. And the rest as they say is herstory. Reach her at [e-mail])