Seahorse, the world’s best dad

For gender watchers, it’s fascinating how much human fathers can learn from their animal equivalents in the jungle, writes Indu Balachandran

Some fathers make the best mothers. Well, the seahorse does for sure. The only male in our living world who gets pregnant grows a distinct baby bump and gives birth to a herd of baby seahorses.

The inventors of the emoji may have thoughtfully added a pregnant man to our phones, but it’s just a fun symbol for breaking gender stereotypes. The male seahorse is the miracle of nature who actually takes on the ultimate female preserve — getting pregnant — and goes through childbirth too. On a recent visit to the Singapore Aquarium, I saw a huge crowd pointing excitedly to a very bloated seahorse dad-to-be, ready to go to the maternity ward, while his slim pretty wife looked stoically on. A quick recall of a National Geographic film reminded me that after fertilisation, the female transfers eggs into the tummy pouch of her mate, who nurtures them dutifully for 14 to 28 days, till baby seahorses come wriggling out. Now that’s a gender role reversal like no other!

Instagram dads

Our human world often goes gaga over a celebrity male mom, thanks to the parenting breakthrough called surrogacy. Our singularly single Karan Johar Instagrams his motherly joy over his twin kids; while Elton John has a husband to share in the motherhood of raising twins. Then there are pictures of divorced-single-parent Brad Pitt surrounded by six offspring, (at least for photo-ops), and I’ve seen Tom cruise about with his good-looking three. Ricky Martin and Ronaldo have glamorised playing moms to their offspring, while our Bollywood Tusshar Kapoor gave us the term ‘Bachelor Dad’ to prove you don’t need marriage or partners for that annual family photograph with your kid.

For gender watchers like me, it’s fascinating how much human fathers can learn from their animal equivalents in the jungle. The Mountain Gorilla male plays a fiercely protective dad till his cubs are teenagers, even settling sibling disputes. The Pygmy Marmoset pop does all the carrying of babies, and loves staying home when mom goes off to hunt. The Bullfrog protects eggs in his mouth when danger lurks and loves treating his babies to piggyback rides. The Arctic Wolf is also a great papa, guarding his pups far more alertly than the mother.

Flamingo daddies make committed parents: males take joint responsibility for incubating eggs. Males even produce and feed their hungry juniors milk! It’s a bright red milk full of fat and protein, that he drips from his mouth into the baby’s — and curiously, the bright pink of his head fades during feeding time. Leaving dad looking literally ‘washed out’ but he’s back to preparing his next turn with the feeding bottle, like any good, tired mom.

What’s your parenting style?

Parenting today is far more challenging than in earlier centuries when, like a baker’s self-raising flour, kids were simply expected to raise themselves. But now we have parenting-on-steroids: Tiger-parenting, with harsh strategies to kick-shape winners, Supportive parenting with prizes and applause for every action, including pooing. There’s Intuitive-parenting, Unconditional-parenting, Authoritative versus Authoritarian-parenting, Permissive versus Spiritual-parenting. And there are helicopter-moms and even drone-dads. But as always, I knew my good pal Maddy, a recent new-age daddy, would have a unique perspective that I never read or thought about. So I dropped in to wish him for Father’s Day. I asked a knocked-out-looking Maddy: “Who wakes up if the baby cries through the night?” “Our entire street!” was Maddy’s tired reply.

“Do you rely on babysitters to get a break?”

“Yes. They are called iPad, Cellphone and YouTube.”

“So… which kind of parent are you?” I rattled off the various categories above, to choose from. “Google parenting” was his immediate answer.

(He Said/She Said is a monthly column on gender issues — funny side up. The author’s love for cooking up stories has resulted in her latest book “My Grandmother Can’t Cook!” a quirky illustrated book for children. Reach her at [e-mail])