Unabashedly perfect

With shifting gender roles, men have also been subjected to the same look-based scrutiny, writes Tanisha Saxena

Preeti, 19, does not see an attractive person when she looks in the mirror. She believes that her chin is off-centre, her lips are too thin, and her face is too round. Her reflection inspires a wish list for cosmetic surgery that includes fuller lips, a delicate chin, and an ideal face.

Who do we think is ideal, and why? What are the guidelines? Who established these rules? Perfect is such an arbitrary concept. It makes no sense when it’s connected to your body. Nimisha, 41, often found herself embarrassed in front of her colleagues as there were a couple of creases around her mouth and a few faint lines at the outer corner of her eyes. In no time, botox treatment became more of a compulsion than a choice. Cosmetic surgery is being normalised and over the years it has become more accessible and accepted, paving the way for an industry to thrive.

The way we view our bodies and skin has undergone a profound change. There is, however, another side to the story as well. In recent years, society has seen positive changes in self-acceptance. Social media platforms have developed into a strong representation of people being open, sharing their experiences, and challenging how society presents and perceives the human body. These images are frequently accompanied by encouraging comments from followers and powerful hashtags like #plussize #bodypositivity #selflove #allbodiesarebeautiful. One scroll through yoga instructor Natasha Noel’s Instagram, and there’s no doubt that the 28-year-old woman is fierce. She exudes confidence and inspiration in every single post or story. It took Natasha most of her childhood and early 20s to get comfortable with her body. She always had a distorted image of her body in her head. She cursed, cut and starved her body because of how it looked. And now, when she looks back at her pictures, there is so much guilt. Natasha thinks that we have been conditioned to believe what defines ‘beauty’, we are bombarded with images of smooth, hairless women with the ‘perfect body’ in shaving advertisements *before* they shave. And the reality is, no matter which body type you have, no matter how perfect you might feel, there will still be a sense of lack. We make up society so, if we don’t change our habits, then our grandchildren will carry these wounds and body dysmorphia. We should embrace our flaws and love the way we are. For centuries, male and female gender roles have been such that the concept of ‘physical beauty’ was limited to women. But the tables have turned. With shifting gender roles, men too have been subjected to the same look-based scrutiny. Since more women are now choosing their partners and dating, men feel the pressure to look a certain body type. For Delhi-based engineering student Ranjit, words like ‘clothes hanger’ and ‘walking skeleton’ were part of his everyday life. It was hard for him to stay firm. “I am skinny, is not half as amazing as you’d think. My waist has been called feminine. I have no complaints about being compared to the opposite sex, it’s not fragile in any way. What hurts me is the meaning behind their toxic remarks that stay etched in my mind, like scars.” “I am gay, always have been and always will be,” states Aditya’s social media post. It took him years to accept his homosexuality. Being an introvert, he started feeling suffocated in his own body. “The acceptance and realisation did not sink in overnight but was a process of constant unlearning of what society has breathed in me since birth. It took a while to put my individuality beyond the flawed spectrum of prejudices and stereotypes,” says Aditya.

Both online and offline, people from diverse groups share their stories of triumph, all while being supported by those who can relate. Movements like body positivity and self-acceptance are undoubtedly great initiatives. But do such movements encompass all? No, it doesn’t. There is marginalisation within the marginalised. Not everybody gets a fair representation when tucked into a hashtag. We need to understand that it’s a larger issue.

Rather than eliminating the longing to be perceived as beautiful, these movements fulfil this desire by insisting a person is beautiful regardless of his/her physical appearance.

All this boils down to being proud of our bodies and embracing the real self. Remember your body hears everything that your mind says!