When others swipe right...

Is digital love fictional for non-cisgender users? Shilok Mukkati finds some answers

In today’s digital era, where everything is so instant, we have forgotten how emotions work. It is assumed you find a companion by just swiping right and left. How binary is this? It sounds easy to most cisgender people. Do others exist in swiping right and left? They do, but they get reported or blocked. Yes, I am talking about non-gender binary or people dealing with gender dysphoria. The lockdown has led many of us to explore the trend of dating apps. In this exploration, once again the heteronormative world has failed to be inclusive in the diverse world.

Today there are many applications for networking, friendship, and dating. Dating apps have been going around for a decade now. How inclusive is it? How safe can it be? An evolving technology should be benefiting regardless of diversity. Imagine, you are a man and you just received a match. The moment you reveal you are a man, you are instantly judged and blocked. Assuming you shouldn’t exist, not even for a friendly conversation. Which will lead to unimaginable insecurity and destroy the confidence you built to be the man you are! That’s impossible unless you are harassing. Congratulations, you are lucky to be a man in the misogynistic world.

Technically, online dating could be a suggestive safe place to explore for people dealing with gender identity. Today, dating apps do have options for various genders and those with different sexual orientations. But is that an ideal solution to make it a safe space? For business-developers, flagging a rainbow is a matter of PR or tokenism. I wonder if these app developers have been sensitised to make the process more inclusive? Has there been a process to educate micro-aggressions and appropriate language to use regarding individuals dealing with gender identity? Why can’t artificial intelligence detect offensive language?

With an increase in hookup culture, we cannot ignore the individuals looking for some quality conversations or simple friendship. But people with gender identity find it difficult to even have a profile on such apps without any fear. Sexual objectification of the LGBTQIA+ community has been accustomed to cisgender heterosexuals. Regardless of movements, advanced legal policies, and visibility, sexual objectification continues. A month ago I spoke to a friend who went through sex-reassignment surgery. She shared her joy and about how she was dealing with her transitioning. She asked me: “Is it necessary to share that I am trans on the dating apps every time I get a message with my match?” Well, I didn’t have an answer for that as being old school, I feel alienated with online dating and prefer the offline route. I accept it is much easier for me to walk like cisgender women most of the time. I also know how hard it is to deal with your transitioning and to relive it on a daily basis. What I believe though is, it is not difficult to be kind!

(The author is a performer, poet & feminist activist who has left a mark with her art, poetry, LGBTQIA+ talks, and feminism ideologies. This column will share untold stories of inclusivity & diversity.)