Breaking the silence on sex

Sex as a subject on its own receives a lot of taboo from our society and addiction continues to receive stigma, with both often being approached with moral policing, writes Rashikkha Ra Iyer

Sex is good for us, in a plethora of ways. It supports healthy relationships and improves our well-being both physically and psychologically. It can help an individual connect at a deeper level with one’s partner and help with stress relief because of the oxytocin that is released during sex. Improved sleep, enhanced immunity and better cardiac health are among the other benefits.

“Did you just say sex? Goodness me.” Talking about sex, pre or post-marriage, is still considered a moral interdiction in Indian society. Sex, a perfectly natural and normal biological drive and urge in living beings is seen as something debased and grim. When seen as something so inflammatory and pejorative, most people shy away from speaking about sex and any related aspects. “Would I be seen as characterless if I spoke about sexual dissatisfaction? Is the purpose of marriage merely gametic? As a woman, if I speak about my difficulties with an orgasm, would I be societally proscribed? Would I be considered adulterated and immoral if I spoke about having a sex addiction?”

Sex as a subject on its own receives a lot of taboo from our society and addiction continues to receive stigma, with both often being approached with moral policing. When they converge and manifest as sex addiction, it becomes only harder for an individual to speak about this and thus procure help.
Often sex addiction and porn addiction are used interchangeably. Although there are similarities, there are some key differences to be mindful of. Shrouded in complete misconception and obscurity, sex addiction goes beyond urges and desires.

Understanding the intricate nuances that differentiate it from porn addiction can help one in getting the right treatment which can inform the course of recovery.

Sex addiction also referred to as hypersexual disorder or compulsive sexual disorder manifests as sexual behaviours that impair a person from leading a normal life and engaging in activities that they would otherwise have. Obsessive use of pornography in isolation makes up a porn addiction. When this manifests adjunct with other symptoms such as excessive masturbation and persistent preoccupation with thoughts about sex, it then is classified as sex addiction. There is nothing stigmatic about having different sex partners over time, which is entirely an individual’s choice. However, if an individual engages in frequent, reckless casual sex, putting themselves at risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases and other dangers, it could be because of sex addiction. Like any other form of addiction, sex addiction could also have effects in other areas such as infidelity leading up to relationship problems, and financial difficulties when paying people to engage in sex.

Having sexual fantasies or wanting to explore new things within the scope of sex with the consent of your partner is perfectly normal. Suppose an individual, however, finds themselves perennially preoccupied with sexual fantasies and sees sex as the only respite or escape from stress, loneliness, or anxiety. In that case, it may be worth thinking about talking about this to a professional. Although it may serve as an immediate respite, feelings of guilt or resentment coupled with shame could often follow when you don’t have a sense of control over your sexual behaviours. It may be worth it for you to ask yourself some questions before seeking help from a doctor.

Ask yourself if you have control over your sexual impulses and consequential sexual behaviours. If you feel bashful to speak about sex, ask yourself what the true reason is.

If you refrain from fear of being subject to communal anathema or because you’re still figuring out your sexuality, the root factor is different. You could still speak to a professional, but this is not due to sex addiction.

Another question to ponder over is the nature of adult content you may find yourself inclining towards despite knowing some of it is illegal such as underage content.

There needs to be no shame or embarrassment, you are not alone. If you feel unsure about where you stand about your sexual behaviour, it would be very beneficial for you to discuss this with either a mental health or medical practitioner.

Unless there is a safeguarding concern of some kind, strict patient confidentiality is maintained, which means even your loved ones don’t have access to this information unless you consent.

(The author is a multidisciplinary professional who works in the UK.)