Buck the trend

Take the weight off your shoulders and focus on what you can accomplish now. It might just lead you to what was on your bucket list faster, writes Shobhana Sachidanand

There are so many things I DON’T want to do before I die,” may sound like a refrain from tradition, but that seems like the new norm. Making a to-do list or a bucket list is passé, it is now all about undoing the trend of lists!

There is no fear of being judged when you prepare an ‘un-bucket list’ and it can be as quirky or weird as not fussing over cleanliness, not having to do the dishes for a day, not insisting that things are in their place or just doing things unplanned. The list can go on and on... Some social media buffs may choose not to share pictures online or not stress over all things perfect. Is that even possible? Why not? Where there’s a bucket list, there can surely be an un-bucket-list!

Ideally ideal

Much has been spoken about how fuelling our bodies with food, mind with education, and our goals and dreams with a bucket list can push us to lead an ideal life, but on the other hand, an un-bucket list merely takes the pressure off, leaving us perhaps less idealistic and more complacent. So is the need to defying society’s conventional expectations of getting married, working relentlessly for years on end, buying a home and having children — all without giving a second thought because that is just what they are ‘supposed to do’, fuelling a need to draw out an un-bucket list?

Samyukta, 37, had it all sorted when she drew out a list of things she wanted to achieve before turning 40. However, the advertising professional’s list didn’t factor in the feasibilities of achieving the targetted list which included travelling across the globe because most of her peers had done it. Samyukta says, “Even as the prospect of travelling across the globe in a stipulated three-year plan was to fructify, I realised I lacked the resources and was too tied up with responsibilities at home to nurture my dream. At the same time, I wanted to lose 10 kg to look and feel good. I had set the target of achieving it within a year.”

“This led me to be harsh on myself by depriving myself of food and essentials as I was counting calories and trying to save, both simultaneously. I soon realised I ended up with more weight,” adds Samyukta. On consulting a psychologist, she junked her bucket list and swapped it with an un-bucket list. She says, in the process, she bought herself a new life, one that lacked comparisons and was free from being judged.

Make the switch

The process of writing a bucket list often forces one to take a close look at what one truly desires, to analyse where we are versus where we want to be. A bucket list in that sense gives one a sense of direction that allows the mind to focus on the target, instead of getting sidetracked dawdling on social media. It helps determine the end goal and the steps that need to be taken to get there, keeping our eye on the prize.

“It is true that the feeling of success can be addictive. One always strives to achieve more success. As one goal is fulfilled, preparation for the next goal starts. It acts as a continuous motivational factor. However, the continuous pressure to be successful at all times, or tick off all the items in the bucket list can create negative stress and not allow the person to enjoy the process of fulfilling that task in a mindful way,” says Suhita Saha, a clinical psychologist with MindfulTMS, Bengaluru.

“There is always a tendency to compare ourselves with others. Along with this, there is a bombardment of constant update and display of achievements on social media. So we tend to push ourselves to achieve goals in order to stay ahead or be accepted as equivalents leading to immense negative stress. Having an un-bucket list can help de-stress and set priorities,” she adds.

“An un-bucket list need not be mundane or boring. The activities chosen can be therapeutic as one can focus on enjoying the process and the journey (mindful) instead of focusing on ticking off the items from the list. A balance of both the bucket list and the un-bucket list is healthy for psychological and physical well-being,” suggests Suhita. She adds that an un-bucket list can simply chart out one’s desire to work on their deficits and strengthen their positives. This can be much more satisfying when achieved, she believes.

Akanksha Pandey, consultant, clinical psychology, Fortis Hospital Bengaluru, is of the opinion that, “While a bucket list gives us clarity and clears the chaos and thus gives us direction and focus, sometimes, we forget the basic intent of a bucket list. It loses its essence when we tend to obsessively fuss over it and see it as a way to be competitive, prove one’s worth, maintain a status in society and for social media updates, and analyse our worth based on the number of likes on our posts. In such cases, it turns out to be another deadline-based target list only with the ultimate motivation of appraisal by others. The whole idea of it giving us a sense of fulfilment and true inner happiness gets lost in this process.”

It’s liberating

She adds, “A bucket list gives you access to your ‘me time’, which definitely is very liberating. The concept of ‘me time’ is often equated with being selfish and irresponsible, both for men and women, which is not at all true. It only makes you a rebel when you don’t design and execute it well or when you don’t balance out the rest of the roles. It requires you to be assertive and not aggressive or submissive.”

“We only need to un-bucket a list if it is too cluttered, or if it’s to influence others, or to conform to others’ ideas of happiness, as otherwise, it turns out to be another target list. Un-bucketing the list can be very relaxing in such cases as it takes away the pressure of fulfilling it for others’ validation. One can substitute it with items from our daily life as well. We can still keep it exciting and lively by changing our approach or trying out new ways of doing them,” Akanksha suggests.

Just as Nelly Furtado sang, “Because life is simply too short, and before you know it, you run out of time...” in her ‘Bucket List’ song, if the path you have chosen is not true to your passion, then life will end up leading you instead of you leading it.