Batting for Bhojpuri, and other bhashas

‘What are you thinking of, Mina?” asked my husband, coming up to where I sat, deep in thought. 

“I am lost in admiration for the Indian Women’s Cricket Team,” I replied.  “Look at their grit, diversity, and talent. They speak in one tongue – that of harmony and commitment.”

 “Laudable indeed,” remarked my husband.  “Talking of ‘one tongue’, our politicians, instead of squabbling over three-language formulas and other such issues, should take a leaf out of our cricket team’s book (both men’s and women’s) and apply that unifying glue.”

“That’s it, Anand! Languages!” I exclaimed! “Our leaders must take crash courses in the native bhashas and astound the public with impeccable bhaashans.  Bihar is currently in poll mode. When campaigning in this historical land, one also enjoys the traditional food on offer, the famous Litti Chokha.  However, if the candidate wants the electorate to lap up his offerings, then he must entice them by speaking in the local languages – in shuddh Bhojpuri. In one fell swoop, a party could sweep the election.”

“Brilliant, Mina,” he approved. “Yes, polyglot politicians, intermingling and speaking in the vernacular, would attract the voters’ attention and, moreover, be a magnet for inter-regional harmony.”

“Exactly,” I replied. “There’s the Tamil Nadu and West Bengal elections coming up.  And Uttar Pradesh thereafter.” An ideal opportunity for our political representatives to rush to enrol in study centres, swotting up, for the time being, on three languages – Tamil, Bengali and Hindi. Imagine a scenario where star campaigners from the North electrify the Chennai crowds with faultless Tamil, or those from the South captivate the Hindi heartland with melodious shairis, and in Tagore’s land, declaim in Bengali with perfect accents.” 

Anand laughed appreciatively. “This beats the original three-language formula hollow!”

“Our netas should follow your father’s inspiring example, Mina, of learning new languages throughout one’s life. Dad (Air Marshal P V Iyer) is 96. He’s lately added Kannada and Telugu to his wide repertoire!”

“Yes,” I replied.  “Nothing like the Services for discipline and dedication.”

“But Mina, who will test the politicians on their newly acquired language skills?”

“The Election Commission, of course,” I responded.  “There will be a Special Intensive Revision (SIR) on the vernaculars learnt.

Moreover, the candidates, in addition to declaring monetary assets, will now have to also mention the number of languages known, with proof of documents.”  

“Wow! You have got it all planned out, Mina.  Multilingual is the new normal.

There’s one snag, however.  Politicians could run the risk of…”

“Of what?” I asked.

Anand laughed: “What else! Petitions to the EC – on Bhasha Chori!”

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are the author's own. They do not necessarily reflect the views of DH.