Puzzled over gifts

Years ago, while looking for a wedding present in the US, I found an elegant, all-white, bone china dinner set for six. It was a promotional sale, which drastically brought down the cost. The bride-to-be was ecstatic. “See what my friend gave me?” she kept saying for several weeks. Until, one day, my father told her, “You know it cost only $15?” The dinner set was never to be seen or heard of again.

Knowing the monetary value of a gift can sometimes be crucial. The late Maharaja of Mysore, on Ugadi, had gifted a Rolex watch to my father, the late Prof Nikam. During one of his sojourns to the US, my father took the watch for repairs and asked that it be done swiftly. The shopkeeper said, “Professor, it’s going to take some time, so why don’t I give you this watch instead? It will cost you only $20.” The shopkeeper retained the royal gift and conned us royally.

“The only gift is a portion of thyself,” said Emerson, which reminds me of a farewell party given to me at the Speech and Hearing Center, Johns Hopkins Hospital, US. Some of the senior faculty members displayed their skill in playing the oboe, the violin, the piano and the guitar. This was followed by mono acting, group singing and individual messages, all very thoughtfully recorded on an audio tape which was their parting gift to me.

Trying to balance between honouring an invitation and avoiding attending a crowded wedding reception, I arranged to meet the bride-to-be at her home. My gift to her was a list of selected quotations on marriage from authors of yesteryear. As each one was presented to her (“A marriage is not something that can be accomplished all at once; it has to be constantly re-accomplished”, “Wedding is an event, marriage is an achievement”), the parents also joined in with their comments. For me, this experience was a high in the realm of gift-giving.

I also recall some lows in gift-giving. Store employees in the gift-wrapping section sometimes perform a sleight of hand. I once watched my present being unwrapped to reveal a far cheaper specimen than the one I had paid for. Another time, I got an expensive perfume but when I tried to spray some, I found the bottle was empty. At a high society wedding, the bride opening her gift peered into an empty box.

Emerson says that we should not appear too pleased while accepting a gift because it would mean that we value the gift more than the one giving it. As for giving a gift, his rule was to choose one that matched the beneficiary, “one which properly belonged to his character, and was easily associated with him in thought.” Clearly, receiving a gift is as much of an art as choosing it. While receiving a gift, we should prepare ourselves to feel neither glad nor sorry. Be a ‘sthithapragna’!