JOIN USStuck with relatives through the lockdown? My sympathies
The COVID-19 pandemic has led to many disturbing revelations about the lack of infrastructure, the rise in domestic violence during the lockdown, the complete apathy towards migrants, and so on. Those of us who are fortunate enough to not have to deal with these issues have smaller complaints. The Sisyphean task of washing up and cleaning and sanitizing everything that enters the house, for instance.
There are some who are stuck with relatives, neighbours, or worse, with partners they were about to divorce. Even the Ramayana, which presents so many such relationships as ideal, has a passage complaining about how terrifying relatives can be. When Vibhishana, Ravana’s brother, advises him to release Sita, Ravana is incensed, and goes off on a rant about relatives and all the trouble they cause. Ravana makes his point by remembering a song that elephants sang in the forest when men tried to snare them with ropes. Here is the elephants’ wisdom, in Arthur Ryder’s translation— “We fear no fire, nor goad, nor sling/Nor any man that lives/We do not fear a single thing/Except our relatives.”
With all the lay-offs, both past and looming, there are many who can sympathise with Hitopadesha, which declares, “It is decidedly better to live in a forest with lions and elephants where no one dares to step foot, with a hundred inconveniences, with grass for a bed and bark for clothes, than among relatives when you have no money.” One can only imagine what taunts the author had endured!
Besides, staying in close proximity all day and all night can put a strain on the best of relationships. Hearing the same boring joke or the same condescending laugh for the hundredth time a day will likely cause something to snap. The epics barely record any marriages ending badly, but the Ramayana has one such story. King Ashvapati, Kaikeyi’s father, had a boon which gave him the power to understand the speech of all living creatures. However, if he revealed what he understood to anyone else, he would die. Once, while in bed, he heard a bird’s shrill cry and burst into laughter. His queen, who must have been in a bad mood already, was incensed at his laughter, and demanded to know the reason. When he told her that he would die if he told her the reason, she replied: “You better tell me why you laughed, and then you may live or die as you wish!” Well, the inevitable happened and the king cut off ties with the queen.
But relatives and neighbours can be far more annoying for another reason—in India, lavish family functions and religious events count as emergencies that simply cannot be postponed, come rain, sunshine, or pandemic. We cannot exactly preach to the populace where our politicians brazenly flaunt their children’s weddings, sans masks and social distancing, on social media. Case in point: Former Karnataka CM HD Kumaraswamy’s son’s wedding just about a month ago. Did you notice how political leaders from other parties rushed to support him? Their unity reminds me of Yudhishtira’s words of advice to his brothers, “When we fight amongst each other, we Pandavas are five, and they, the Kauravas, are a hundred. But when an outsider threatens us, we are one hundred and five.” It’s our bad luck that the Kauravas are united in our case.
A final word on Indian weddings: There’s a saying in Sanskrit about what various people want out of a wedding. “The bride wants a good-looking husband. Her mother wants him to be wealthy. Her father wants him to be well-educated. The relatives want his family to be nice. Everyone else wants a sumptuous meal.” Now, I don’t know if I agree with the first four, but the last statement is absolutely true. And sumptuous meals should wait until we don’t need to wear masks any longer, please!