Overcome fear of being judged, be more confident

Ask your counsellor

Dear Madam,

I am a very private person and don't like to socialise much. But when I see my friends uploading photos of themselves vacationing and partying, I wonder if I am missing out on fun. Though I like leading a simple life sometimes I feel I need to open up more and hang out more often. I am confused. Kindly help.

Riya

Dear Riya,

Before going further, I would like to state that you are okay the way you are and the way you like to be. You do not need to lead life the way others do, or on other’s terms. It is also important to remember that what people project on social media, is just their projection, not necessarily their reality. They only talk about the wonderful things that happen, but not the not-so-wonderful things that also happen all the time. People only show their positives and sometimes that makes us believe there are only positives, and no negatives in others' lives. The reality is that everyone’s life has ups and downs, positives and negatives. Just like yours does too. You only choose not to share them with the world and that is okay. You are not “inferior” to “them” because you don’t put your life in the public domain.

However, I do also want to caution you, that sometimes we become private people, because we want to hide our true self. We think our true self is not good enough, and therefore it is better that no one gets a peek into it. And the way we achieve that is by not letting anyone into our world. If that is the reason you are private, then I do want to remind you that you do not need to hide from the world. You are good enough and worthy the way you are, so go out and show the world your true self. And if that is something you would like to do but are finding it difficult to do on your own, work with a counsellor who can help you. All the best!

Dear Madam,

My ex-girlfriend got married recently. We were in a relationship in college and eventually broke up as we were working in different cities and the long-distance relationship didn't work out. We broke up on good terms. Now that she is married, I want to move on but am finding it difficult as I still have feelings for her. Kindly help.

Raghu

Dear Raghu,

It is hard when a relationship breaks up, especially when you are still vested in it but had to let it go because of logistical or societal reasons. It may take time for you to move on, as you grieve over this loss, and that is normal.

There is a certain finality to the loss that becomes apparent when the other person gets married. You may want to take the help of a counsellor to help you in this process of going through the turmoil of loss and allowing you to get to a place of acceptance that will allow your life to flow again.

Dear Madam,

I am working as a site engineer in the private sector. I am not able to interact well with my colleagues and clients, though I socialise with my friends. Now I stay with my uncle’s family and I am not able to interact with them either. How can I overcome this issue?

Sruthy

Dear Sruthy,

Could it be that when you are interacting with your friends, you are not fearful of their judgment of you and therefore are able to feel comfortable and be yourself, and therefore, communicating with them is easy. However, with colleagues, clients and relatives you may be worried about what they might think of you based on what you say, and therefore you are more fearful to communicate with them.

Often our fear of judgment by others stops us from being ourselves. We try to be people we are not, and that can be stressful. It will be helpful for you to talk to a counsellor to help you overcome this fear of judgment by others and gain more confidence.
All the best!