It's raining money

I have just got an sms which says that my mobile number has been awarded two million dollars! Wow! How much is that in rupees? I wonder. Even as I was digesting this bountiful news I got an email which said: “your e-mail has won you £ 1000,000 from the BBC Lottery on our 2011 charity bonanza. The draw No.BNL, 1456 brought out your e-mail address from a data base of internet email users.”

Lee Frank from London, may god bless him, wants to transfer 40 per cent of ten million seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars – I cannot write this in figures -  to my account. Frank has assured me that there will be practically no risk involved in this transfer. I go by his word. He was a bank manager in China. Ah! Here is another deal that is coming my way. UK’s ST Micro Electronics Company holds promotions each year just to promote its “global publicity and reputations as we plan to exploit more corners of the world.”  And in the draw that was just held I was the second place winner of £ 500 000. I am a bit disappointed that I was not the first, yet I am prepared to accept the second place as the money involved is still huge. “I apologize if this does not suit you,’’ writes Ms Kates of the ST Micro Electronics Company. No miss, I am very glad, in fact.

I am touched when John Eze, a director of the Union Bank of Nigeria, says it is an honour to contact me. He wants to transfer £ 2,550,000 to my account on behalf of his industrialist friend who is out to distribute £ 8,550,000 and I am one of the beneficiaries of his largesse. “This may sound strange and unbelievable to you, but it is true and absolutely real,” he assures me. I go by his word. Another message says Obama's Foundation has deposited $ 500,000 with HSBC Bank, UK, to be paid to me. All that I need to do is to contact Caravan Marvis, its MD, to get the funds transferred.

 “The prestigious Coca Cola Bottling Company wishes to notify you that your email has been awarded £ 750,000 on our 2011 global poverty eradication programme” says another email that I have just received. My poverty will now be eradicated.

But I am hesitant to claim all this money for two valid reasons. One, my bank branch might collapse under the weight of this colossal amount. Two, I am scared of the serpentine queues in front of my house seeking donations  for a variety of charitable causes, including the building of a temple for Shani. So now you know why there is status quo in my status.