Anticipating arrest

I have one strong unmet desire and it has been fermenting for a long time. That is to be arrested under a media glare. I want to see myself smiling at the camera like our political leaders do and keep repeating that I will prove my innocence and that it is all a conspiracy hatched by others. Since I have no opportunity to do big-time loot, I try it in my own little ways.

I must have tried this at least 20 times but with no results. If I see in my rear view mirror, a VIP cavalcade, escorted by the siren sounding jeeps, approaching my car, I will do everything to see that I don’t let them pass. Mostly it requires some quick thinking and quick responses by changing lanes and obstructing the VIPs. I get a shot in the arm and suddenly a 74 me gets the energy of an eighteen-year old. We part company when our destinations compel us to and I get a glare from the driver and the escorts and some abuses which, in any case, I can’t hear. But I have not met with success of being arrested.

In a park I go to, each bench has this sign posted on it: Obscene behaviour is punishable by law. Now I am confused. Is winking obscene? What about hugging and smooching? I enrolled my wife to do some heavy duty hugging which at seventy four/sixty seven age configuration can only be faked. We copied the youngsters by selecting the bench between two lamp posts and under a tree. No arrest. No one even looked in our direction and finally, the watchman dispersed us all by blowing his whistle at eight, the closing time. No success this time too.

I tried another trick but that too has not worked. I know that an attempt to commit suicide is an offence under Section 309 of the Indian Penal Code. The rationale is that the dignity of human life is as precious to the state as it is, to its holder and the state cannot turn a blind eye to a person, attempting to kill himself. Dignity of my life is precious to the state? I have seen no evidence of that.

So I went o a police station and said that I have a confession to make. And I can’t carry on with the guilt that is playing on my psyche and I can’t go to sleep. I said that I had tried to commit suicide but failed and therefore I had committed a crime. The man-in-charge told me that I was in a traffic police station and directed me to another one.
When I went there, I was told that I needed to go some other place because the scene of crime was not in their jurisdiction. Having walked about 10 km with no positive results to smile in front of the cameras, I came back home disappointed. The next day, I went to the right police station but they wanted at least two witnesses to establish my guilt. I pleaded with them that no one would have someone to witness an attempt at suicide because that is not how it works. I was told not to waste their time and was shown the door.

I am thinking of new strategies but will welcome any suggestions.