Wanted... a good companion!

CHANGING DYNAMICS

Who doesn’t want a caring, adorable and supportive spouse? Gone are the days when a boy would test a girl to see whether she was fit for him.

Nowadays, most marriages happen by mutual consent and couples get ample time to communicate with each other freely before marriage. And in the case of love marriage, lovers no longer need to struggle to get their parents’ consent.

Over the years, many such traditions have withered away and a new set of codes are being added to the ‘relationship rule book’.

Women have started playing a substantial role in all areas of life. The effects of gender empowerment are also getting reflected in family life. “Since I am earning more than enough, I can’t look at marriage as a means of attaining financial security. I have already travelled a lot, seen more than 15 countries and even have my own flat in the City. What I expect from my husband is pure companionship. I have to admit that it will not be possible for me to cook for him or iron his clothes everyday. He has to be independent enough to look after his needs. I am not ready to sacrifice my career at any cost. So he should be cooperative and understanding,” says Arpita Saha, a chartered accountant with a multinational audit firm, who is single and in her late 20s. “Ever since I got this job, a lot of proposals have come for me. My parents live in a village and are eager about my marriage. Though the boys who wanted to marry me were well-educated with some of them even holding foreign degrees and excellent jobs, they were still conventional in their outlook,” she adds.

Madhumita Gupta, another professional, says her engagement was called off as her fiance was not ready to send her abroad for studies. “I wanted to pursue MBA and had even got a seat at a reputed American university. But he was not ready to send me alone. I liked him so much and he was a nice guy too. But when I had to choose between him and my studies, I chose the latter. But a lot of boys have not adapted themselves to these new ways of life. They are still in a dilemma over how much freedom they should give their wives.” 

The girls also expect their husbands to help them do household chores and raise children. But these new rules have led to a number of problems.
“The success of any relationship lies in thinking what you can put into the marriage, not what you can get out of it. These days, people have started looking at the benefits and convenience they can get from a relationship. Couples suddenly decide to end the relationship even for small misunderstandings. A divorce is not just about ending a relationship, it also involves many legal and property-related issues. The increased freedom in marriage has brought a lot of insecurity along,” says Gurusiddesh, a professional.

“Even a large number of boys who are well educated think conventionally. They expect their wives to earn only when they think there is a need. It is the woman who has to sacrifice her career as per the needs of the family, even though she may be earning more than her husband,” says Anjana. “Being a working woman, I expect my husband to think beyond the conventional meaning of marriage and treat me like a friend and carry out all the responsibilities associated with marriage,” she adds.