Trapped in cyberspace

VIRTUAL WOES

While the Internet has connected people across  oceans, it has alienated people under the same roof, rues Deepa Ballal

“Hi! Nice to meet you. What’s your mail id? Do you have a Facebook account?” This is the new icebreaker among children as young as eight. Having an e-mail id or an online account seems to have become mandatory to even get to know someone, leave alone to become friends. Not having one tantamounts to being so very “uncool.”

There is no doubt that the Internet has made our lives easy. We can now make payments and book our tickets online, connect with friends, find jobs, even make laddoos or learn music with its help. Today, a toddler in Uttarakhand is aware of Teletubbies, just as his counterpart in Pennsylvania.

Moreover, it has unlocked the doors of information not only for kids but also for parents.
“My daughter and I ‘google’ on most subjects, download pictures to paste in her activity books, solve maths worksheets, verify information, clear doubts and use Google Translate for Hindi and Arabic work,” says Karthika Rajesh, a Dubai resident.

Bangalore resident Rupa Arun introduced the Internet to her music loving kids so that they could rehearse and learn more about raagas, while listening to Carnatic music on the numerous sites online.

Every time Anu seeks information either with regard to studies or for some home remedy, her eight-year-old daughter Khushi is quick to quip, “Amma ‘google’ it.”

“Once Khushi came back from school saying her friend wanted her to create an e-mail id
so that they could chat on Gtalk,” says a surprised Anu. She refused, allowing her daughter the alternative of using the phone, instead.

Monitor

All these mothers know of the dangers lurking on the Net if the kids are left on their own. “The computer should be placed in a common area where the child’s online activity can easily be monitored. This should be done without being overly inquisitive about his/her activities. Parents need to check in from time to time and show interest in their children’s online activities. They should also advise them against chatting with anybody, especially as chat windows keep popping up on some game sites,” says Karthika. “Besides, parents should play role models, because children normally tend to follow what their parents do. So, if you while away your time on the Net pursuing useless activities, your children are very likely to follow suit. No point in blaming them later,” she says emphatically.

Twenty years ago many parents got television sets home when their children’s frequent visits to the neighbours’ place to watch Chitrahaar or cartoons became an embarrassment. Today, the other extreme is true. Thanks to the Net, kids don’t step out of their rooms. Cyberspace provides them the fun, information, anonymity, space, friends and attention that the real world apparently fails to. This is a big worry for parents.

“I try spending all my time with my children once they are back from school, lest they get on the Net or sit glued to the TV set,” says a concerned Rupa. Parents are concerned that their kids get upset when the Net connection is slow or when the computer refuses to boot.

Twelve-year-old Aditi has three mail ids and her eight-year-old brother, Parth, two. But when they both insisted on getting Facebook accounts, their mother put her foot down.

Once back from school Aditi logs onto the Net to catch up with her friends on all the gossip she missed out during school hours. The rest of the time is spent in choosing an apt profile picture for her id. When confronted about the amount of time she spends online, she has a stock answer: “school work.” To top it, her teacher herself has asked her to surf the Net and look for activities for her school exhibition.

The connection

Today, it looks like having an Internet connection is more important than any other connection for a school-going kid. Assignments are incomplete in households with no Net connection. Mothers and children surf the Net to complete the given task within the timeframe and fathers get printouts of finished assignments from their respective offices or cyber cafes. Having a printer is still a luxury in many Indian families. But soon like the Internet, the printer will occupy desk space.

Years ago, we pleaded with our fathers to get us a cable connection for we didn’t want to be left out of the interesting conversations revolving around cable TV programmes.
Today, the scene has changed. Recently, there was news of a young girl in Bangalore committing suicide when her father refused to get her an Internet connection.

Helping children appreciate the company of books and making them aware of the dangers lurking in cyberspace will go a long way in making the child a responsible netizen. In an age where instant gratification has become the norm, the Internet does provide that comfort rather instantly. However, children need our attention and a constructive way of utilising their time.

Surprisingly, the Internet has on one hand connected people across the oceans but alienated people under the same roof. Soon a day may arrive when parents mail their children to come out of their sound-proof rooms to have dinner! Or perhaps, they’ll start resolving their offspring’s issues via the chat tool.

The irony is that children today want to communicate with people virtually while shying away from conversing with the same people face-to-face. For instance, my 11-year-old cousin sent me a friend request on Facebook the other day, but went scurrying across the street the moment he spotted me. This got me confused. I was in a dilemma whether to accept or reject his request. If he so very dreads me in person, why try to befriend me in the virtual world?

A few days ago, I was watching a bunch of bubbly school girls discussing the different accounts they have online, such as FB, ibibo, orkut, gmail, yahoo etc. “Yaar, I have sent you an ibibo friend request, accept it ok?,” said one. I wondered what these girls would do with all these online accounts. If every time they meet, their discussions are about their presence in the virtual world, what would they discuss through the various chat engines? Hopefully, about the real world.

Adults, too

Incidentally there has been a steady surge in the number of adults too using social networking sites. Bosses sending Facebook requests to team members and parents sending Facebook requests to their kids. Needless to say the employees and obedient kids are not only forced to accept them (lest they earn the wrath of their superiors/ parents), but also secretly create proxy accounts to evade being spied upon. This again highlights the communication rift among people who go online to monitor those whom they can very well talk to in person, if at all there is a concern.

Everyone knows how technology is an enabler, but only when used judiciously. Newspapers are rife with instances of  people falling prey to strangers on the Net, be it a 10-year-old or a 70-year-old. After all, the age, gender and profession of a netizen can easily be faked.

Moreover, with the Internet gaining entry into many households, real relationships seem to be exiting. One example is getting into online affairs to compensate for the lack of thrill in an actual relationship. The parties concerned suffer no guilt as they are after all only in a virtual affair, which does not, in their opinion, tantamount to adultery. Not everyone agrees, though. “For me, an online affair is definitely adulterous. One may only be emotionally attached to a person online, but emotional attachment outside marriage means your marriage is on the rocks. That’s why you need a shoulder outside marriage, and you resort to clandestine ways to stay in touch, hiding things from your partner,” explains 33-year-old Jasmine Kothari categorically.

For some elderly wives, however, the Internet has brought respite from their nagging and prying husbands. “After retirement my husband found it very difficult to spend his time. He would then start interfering in the domestic chores, be it cooking or washing. But since he got a laptop and an Internet connection it has given me a breather. Now he spends a considerable amount of time on the Net and I get to do my chores peacefully,” says 63-year-old Kalpana Rao, who doesn’t care what her spouse does online, as long as his surfing gives her her moments of freedom.

Has the Net cast a virtual net on youngsters and the old alike? Have we lost the art of making a simple conversation while having mastered the art of typing and texting? If so, we must relearn to use the Net to ease our lives, and not simply fill its voids. Without a doubt, social networking helps us connect and does give us the mental space we often crave for, but this should not come at the cost of any disconnect between us and our loved ones.