Love across a distance

WIDENING GAP

Distance often acts as a catalyst in increasing the communication gap between couples and the latest obsession of a successful career is doing nothing to bridge it. 

Couples today are not afraid of increasing the gap between them and prefer their career over marriage. Metrolife takes a look at the phenomenon of long distance relationships. 

“We have been married for the past four years now; we hardly lived together for a year when I had to return to the city to look after my parents. As my wife did not want to compromise on her booming career, I did not compel her to,” says Pratik Chowdhury, an IT professional. 

He further said that it was difficult for both of them to manage initially but with time, they adjusted to seeing each other on Skype and talking to each other over the phone.

Reena Wangchuk, a social researcher, who has been married for the past 28 years, chose to live away from her family as her work demanded it. 

“It is only now that I have had the courage to live away from my family. I see the younger generation has no problems in leading such a lifestyle. I do miss my family but I have commitments on the work front as well,” she adds. 

However, she is one of the lucky few to visit her family every weekend. She explains that a long distance marriage is difficult when the couple is younger. “When a couple is young, they have to create a bond with each other. As they grow with each other, the bond becomes stronger and the understanding deepens,” says Reena.

It is not just the younger generation that is ready to go that extra mile for their marriage; even the older couples are ready to experiment. 

Not only have the couples, even their parents have accepted the fact that their children are in two different cities. 

“Our parents have accepted it and seem to be content with the fact that we meet each other every four months and talk to each other frequently,” said Anjana. 

While some wait longer, others give in to the pressure and choose their marriage over their career to be with their partners. 

Not only does it strain the relationship between the couple it also puts a strain on their pockets. 

“The mobile bills are huge and the amount keeps getting bigger every month but we don’t have a choice. I try and squeeze in time whenever I can and spend some time with my husband who lives in Delhi,” said Swati Anand, a research executive. 

Monisha Srichand, the co-founder of Talk It Over Counselling Services, advises couples in long distance marriages to try and do things together. 

“It can be simple things like watching a television serial together and discussing it during the commercial breaks or playing online games together. Setting some kind of ground rules everyday like fixing a particular time where the couple can talk to each other, discuss deeper things and their relationship also helps,” she says.

She further adds that couples in long distance marriages have the tendency to become overtly suspicious and things become even more complex when children are involved. 

Trust issues and communication gaps are very common in a long distance marriage. 

“Playing the blame game is another common problem. If the couple has children, it is very normal for the mother to feel burdened. In such cases, the parents should try and find ways out to spend quality time with the children, where there can be a one-on-one interaction,” she explains.