Look beyond imperfections

“Anger shields me from being bullied.” “Anger gives me the fierce energy to prove something to somebody.”

“Anger makes people obey me.” — Before you begin to agree with these statements, ponder over these: anger constricts my arteries and causes chest pain. Anger raises my blood pressure. Anger causes heart attacks. Anger isolates me from others.

I wish I could say these are myths versus truths. Regrettably, they aren’t — they are facts versus facts. Anger does intimidate and make things go your way often enough. At the same time, anger does slam shut your heart if it doesn’t break it first. So it is about whether you want to make heart-destroying choices or heart-enhancing ones.

 Recently, a friend received two lucrative job offers. “I just asked my heart which one it wanted,” she said. “It replied, choose the workplace where you can go every morning with a smile on your lips.” — you don’t have to be a Lao-Tzu to know that the path of the open heart is the path of joy.

  I have learned that life without anger is astoundingly beautiful. And very few issues are worth disturbing this harmonious feeling. When you follow the pointers below, you too will find a dramatic difference in the quality of your life:

nWhen your jaw sets or shoulders stiffen, the message to remember is: make your thoughts flexible. Ask yourself ruefully, “Am I being too rigid?” “Am I over-reacting?” Don’t justify your irritation because that’s like using a stone boat to cross the sea of anger. Soft thoughts open the heart and create healing conditions.

nDecide to use your higher power, not your ire power. Neither let your anger explode outward nor suppress it where it implodes inside you. Instead, choose to upload. Say, “Yes, I am angry about what has been done to me. But I refuse to let that wrong destroy me. And I refuse to be destructive by being vengeful.

I turn them to the light and release it. I see the light pouring down kindly and enveloping me in its healing aura. I am thankful for it being with me.” Gratitude neutralises anger to a very large degree.

If you’re already in a rage which you can’t seem to get out of, ask yourself, “Is it worth getting angry over?” Then, write down why you are angry and what will calm you down. An apology, returning the amount if you’ve been overcharged, a salary increase, a change of attitude from somebody. Once you are clear, calm down and pitch it to the person concerned. Then let the chips fall where they will. Adopt a zen approach.

If it works to your satisfaction, good; if it doesn’t, good. Remember, to let go is a step to large heartedness

*Open an escape-hatch from the anger-trap instantly. Don’t wait till you’re exhausted, dysfunctional or ill. Work on your exit-route, find alternate means of emotional/financial support,  save, rather than splurge, get fit, become healthier through exercise.

Taking positive action staves off helplessness, fear, discontent which are the hidden faces of rage

*Create healing moments. Use your imagination, instead of logic. Read fairy tales to children. Speak kindly. See life’s vagaries as mysteries to be lived with, not problems to be solved. Sing for 15 minutes without opening your eyes. Unlock your heart with laughter.

Train yourself not to look for perfection but to look beyond imperfections — life may not always come gift-wrapped, but it’s still a gift.

(The contributors are authors of the book, Fitness For Life.)