Conspiracy in the air

They force my hand against the glass, almost breaking my bones.

I wonder if there is a conspiracy between airlines and airports abroad to humiliate me. How else can I explain the embarrassing situations I encounter whenever I travel in other countries?

For example, landing in Paris like any other passenger, I stand in the queue at the immigration counter. When my turn comes, a lady examines my documents, takes my thumb prints and asks me to step aside.

The  ‘police de l’aéroport’ is summoned and I am led to an office where three policemen watch as I press my thumbs on another machine. No image appears on the screen. One of them forces my hand against the glass, almost breaking my bones. Still no image. I am asked to wash my hands and repeat the process.

The screen remains blank. I tell them in my halting French that the machine in their consulate in Mumbai worked very well. They were not too happy, but I am ‘released’ at last to proceed to the exit door.

Was it my fault if their machine was bad?Soon after 9/11, I landed in Newark airport on a flight from San Francisco en route to Paris. I had a good five hours to go. After a long walk I arrived at gate 28 where they were checking boarding passes.

When it came to my turn, they asked if I was bound for Paris. When I said yes, they grabbed my suitcase, stamped my boarding pass and pushed me onto the aerobridge. I thought I must have mixed up the time zones, since everyone was already seated inside the aircraft.

As I walked along the aisle looking for my seat, the captain announced that I should report to the flight steward immediately. All heads turned towards me. At the far end, some even stood up to see me. I was back at gate 28 with all my luggage. They had made a mistake. My flight was actually five hours away.

On my last visit to Paris, however, it was a smooth passage. At least, so I thought. On boarding the aircraft, I found that my seat was right in the middle of the aisle. Some passengers from India were on either side.

I tried to make conversation, but they did not seem too keen to talk. Must be second generation Indians, I thought, who knew only French. Suddenly, I saw TV cameramen with bright lights positioning themselves in front of us. Evidently a commercial video for the airline, I guessed.

I sat up straight, adjusted my tie and gave a wide smile. My friends in Paris would be happy to see me on their TV sets. A few days later, I did get a mail from one of them.“We were surprised to see you sitting in the midst of illegal immigrants being deported to India. You were the only one smiling!”This was the most unkindest cut of all.