JOIN USHas the emotional isolation ofjet-setting lifestyles left us lost and lonely, and in search of life coaches? Rachna Bisht-Rawat finds out.
It has happened with me and it might have happened with some of you too. So tell me if this gives you a sense of déjà vu. Still groggy from last night’s hangover and rubbing muck out of the eyes, you reach for the television remote when you are suddenly hit on the head (colloquially speaking) by a mindboggling gaggle of gurus. Channel surf and you are alarmed by their sheer variety — in shapes, sizes, sexes, fancy dresses, accents and tones — coaxing, cajoling, sometimes even frightening you towards the path of spiritual awareness.
Not sure if they make you see light but they do make you yearn for the good old days when there was one lone Dhirendra Brahmachari doing yogasanas on your TV set (that too only on Sundays). And if you happen to be sober enough to think, it also makes you wonder: Why this kolaveri, kolaveri di?
There is only one answer to what has brought on this sudden spurt of spiritual leaders. Yes, demand. Right from the times of Arjun who found his Parthasarthy, or charioteer in Krishna — the life coach, we have always had gurus.
They are around us in a new age manifestation now. From being dressed in white or saffron with a rosary in his hands, the guru now comes in a snazzy package with a cool hairstyle, designer clothes. And more often than not the rosary has been replaced by a Blackberry, an iphone or even an ipad.
“Gurus and saints have always been around us and we always went to them for support and guidance,” agrees social anthropologist Nimmi Rangaswamy, researcher at Microsoft India Research Labs, Bangalore.
What’s new, she says, is their sheer commercialisation and the magnitude at which it is happening. So what’s bringing on this desperate demand for a guide? Is it the breakdown of the joint family system that gave us our path showers in parents and grandparents, cousins and siblings? Or is it the growing emptiness we are left with when we jet set across the globe in new age lifestyles that spare no time for healthy communication with friends and family? Or, is it something else?
According to Boston-based technocrat Prithviraj Banerjee, who is in Bangalore on an expat assignment, the reason why more and more people are searching for gurus is because as the basic needs of society get fulfilled, people move higher in Maslow’s pyramid (towards self actualisation) and start craving spiritual bliss. “With rising incomes we have more people in that layer and hence an increased awareness of the unfulfilled desire for our true selves,” says the MIT alumnus who finds peace of mind in meditation and yoga.
Nimmi feels many factors are responsible but on top of it all is the need to conform to a global lifestyle. “Many of us have suddenly been catapulted into a lifestyle where we are jet setting across the world and drawing salaries we couldn’t have imagined 15 years back.” According to the anthropologist’s reasoning this lifestyle has brought on its own needs. Personal fitness, grooming, a world class wardrobe have become imperative for those who want to fit in (or aspire to fit in) this new global milieu. “Most VPs and GMs have dieticians and personal trainers; film stars and models have personal designers. Life coaches and therapists are part of the same lifestyle,” she says.
No doubt modern lifestyles have given us awesome salaries, personal trainers, swanky cars and big houses but they have also extracted a price for it. They have left us with very little time for human interaction. Life coach and author Malti Bhojwani feels people seek guidance because they have isolated themselves emotionally. “Spouses get so busy in modern lifestyles that couples often feel alone in their thoughts. They lack the intimacy that makes supportive interactions possible. We feel no one would understand deeply, care enough or have the time to really listen.” This “silence”, she says, has led to a growing need for personal development professionals.
Rocketing ambition has led to increasing competitiveness which in turn has led to friends keeping things from each other. We have built walls around ourselves. No one wants to appear weak in front of anyone else which is why even if we are troubled we’d rather not talk about it with a friend or a family member. Malti explains that working with a coach is different from chatting with a partner, a parent or a friend, as it is a professional, confidential and unbiased relationship. “Our friends and family often have fixed ideas about who we are and what our past capabilities were which can sometimes hold us back from pursuing our new dreams and desires,” she explains.
In the new world, there is a growing tribe of people who openly call themselves atheist or agnostic. Prithviraj feels organised religions often distort the words of great gurus like Buddha and Jesus and this has led to people getting delinked from the true meaning of life. Dr Shyam K Bhat MD, psychiatrist and integrative medicine specialist, agrees. “People who are disenchanted with religion are turning to psychology and there has always been an overlap between spirituality and psychology. So people who are congregating towards life coaches are seeking direction,” he says.
Dr Bhat points out that till recently roles in society were very strictly defined — you were supposed to finish college, get a job, get married, buy a house, have children and then retire. All your needs were categorised and taken care of, leaving you free to seek spiritual meaning in the end. For the present generation, there are no rules.
You can be in college and buy your first house, you can live together without being married, and you may or may not have children. There is complete freedom and suddenly a sense of “normlessness.” “Young people are no longer looking towards the older generation for advice and the older generation is also confused about what guidance they can give in the new milieu. This is good because it will eventually lead us to form our own rules but it is also a time of confusion and self doubt. When there is need for help, it is much more socially acceptable to say I’m seeing a life coach than to say I’m seeing a psychiatrist,” Dr Bhat points out.
If we wish to be dramatic we can say that the winds of change are blowing. Girls who wear saris and cover their heads at pujas and make rangolis at Diwali are equally comfortable changing into shorts and sipping vodka at the pub. The functions of family have changed, and often parents really don’t know how to guide their children because they have never faced such situations before. This has brought on a need for professional help and there’s really no harm in seeking it — whether you need a life coach to show you the way to what you want or a trained psychiatrist to handle your darker negative emotions.
If you ask me, I’d say, there are two people you need in your life. One is the path shower or the Krishna. The other is the shaman — the one who takes away your pain. These are the two who make life easier and more meaningful. If you have found both in friends and family, or even inside you, feel blessed. There is really nobody else you need. However, if you are looking for professional guidance by all means go for it. But pick your life coach intelligently. It’s a big market and right next to a truly enlightened guru you risk running into a fraud.