The importance of admitting and accepting

Life is not a bed of roses, there are bound to be plenty of thorns along the way. There are ups and downs and a lot of vicissitudes.

In fact, it would not be wrong to say that people who are relatively more successful face greater chagrins and challenges than those who live on the sidelines taking it easy, taking short-cuts and not facing the brunt and brutality of life squarely.

In everyone’s life, there are intransigencies which must not be cleverly disguised,  avoided or hidden, but must be faced courageously and with sagacity and fortitude.For one to do this, it would be prudent for one to follow what I call the four As – Admit, Accept, Act, Attitude. Indeed, this is easier said than done.

The very first A, `Admit’, is difficult enough. What I imply here is that if one is confronted with a difficult, hopeless, pointless, or disastrous situation, like a loss, a damage, a destruction, a death of a near and dear one, a divorce, a loss of job or prestige, then one should not wallow in the sea of self-pity, but one must face the situation head on.

There is no point living in denial which means that one does not admit and accept the situation honestly, squarely and with equanimity. Instead, one is adept at painting a rosy picture, which is not really the authentic one.

By doing this, one is only getting temporary relief, but sooner rather than later, one must wake up from one’s dream and fantasy and face stark reality. If one lives in denial, it is as if one is near a huge mountain which is akin to a gigantic obstacle. Everyone can see this mountain. This one person can also see it, but pretends not too.

One is not helping the situation in any way, but living in a fool’s paradise.

Once one has admitted the situation, acceptance of it is the natural corollary. Then, one must act, and it would be better if one acts (and not overreacts) with a judicious, guarded and grounded attitude. Once, there was a maid who was working in a family which owned many antiques and heirlooms which she had to dust everyday. Once while dusting a porcelain vase, it slipped from her hands and broke.

The maid, who was conscientious and sincere, was petrified with fear at her carelessness. Later, when she came to know of its price, she said that she would not accept wages until the cost of the vase was reimbursed. The owners then told her that it was a careless accident and certainly not a deliberate nor malicious overture. They told her to be careful in the future.

This is a simple case of a couple admitting, accepting and acting with an appropriate attitude since no amount of admonition or recrimination could make the vase whole but on the other hand, could have created a lot of bad blood. So, it follows that in most situations, admitting and accepting against all odds is definitely a more prudent mode of behaviour than reacting in anger, hatred and vengeance.

For, in the final analysis, this 4-A path is definitely one worth taking, for situations where Shakespeare’s famous words in `Julius Caesar’ holds good, “What is done cannot be undone”. Also, spilt milk, if cried over, only succeeds in making it salty for the cat.

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