No longer whispered blasphemies...

Not so long ago, the words divorce, judicial separation and alimony were part of the elite dictionary of urban, educated couples — and then too, they were 'whispered blasphemies' which made rare appearances in Indian society. Today's young generation has changed the very context of these words. They have successfully added these words to their everyday vocabulary and taken away their dark, sombre connotation altogether. Today, young men and women in cities bounce around these words casually and opt for a marital breakup or a couple crack-up without any hang-ups, regret or family interference. What's more, with the forays of education, the huge footprint of the media, rising expectations of a higher lifestyle and concepts of individual freedom, divorces, separations and alimony battles have become a common occurrence in small towns and rural areas of India as well.

"The very definition of marriage has changed for young Indians because they are a unique generation in the history of demographics in the world," says Peter Harvey, an American sociologist who specialises in India studies, "Never before has any nation — as large as India — had such a huge number of under 35 citizens (700 million!) experiencing the historic changes of a fast growing economy as is seen in India. In spite of the clear dividing line between the haves and the have-nots as well as the traditional and religious beliefs of small town-rural India, this generation is equipped to take decisions on its own because the economy has brought them huge opportunities to change their destiny."

Much more freedom

Many national surveys have proved that this generation of young men and women has changed beyond recognition. More than 30 per cent of small town-rural young people believe that if a marriage bad, it can be broken amicably. Surprisingly, almost 20 per cent young men believe that pre-marital sex is acceptable though only 7 per cent of women vote for it! However, with their dramatically changed lifestyle dreams, affluence and personal space, most young Indians still value their families and believe in holding them together. "With more educational and career opportunities opening up in non metro and rural areas, young men and women have opportunities to mix and share activities," says Asha Tawde, a research at the SNDT University for women, "There is much more freedom between the sexes in schools, colleges and workplaces. Young people travel more for study and work and are more likely to marry for love — albeit with support from their families. But equally, they are frank enough to admit that a marriage or relationship has failed and call if off rather than suffer in silence because of social taboos and traditions."

"Divorces have been rising in small towns significantly," says K K Patadia, a well-known lawyer, "There are so many cases of divorce or separation today that the Government of India has created Crime Against Women Cells and Matrimonial Courts in many non-metro cities too.”

“What most people would find hard to believe is that in small towns and fast developing rural areas, women are beginning to be financial independent and find the guts to walk out of bad marriages and live their lives on their own terms — even taking responsibility of their children as single mothers.  Indian society — particularly the young generation — is in a state of flux as never before and its concept of permanence in relationships has taken a complete U-turn."

Economics of the Indian family

"The economics in an Indian family has also changed beyond recognition," says Nanda Gaud, a professor of economics, "Figures say that metro cities in India have a divorce rate of 30 to 40 per cent and in the small towns and rural areas, it is growing at a fast pace because of identical reasons like extra-marital affairs, mental or physical violence, breakdown of relations, wonky laws which bring no solace to either party or sheer incompatibility." Yet another researcher of the marriage scene in India, Indu Jahagirdar, says, "Gender roles have changed very fast in the new generation even in small towns.  The advent of technology and appliances into homes, have made women's work in the home lighter and created time and space for them to earn independently.  More important, easy access to the contraceptive pill has given women the control over their own sexuality and reproductive ability. ”

The growing strength of women's groups has created an awareness of marital rights. They know they can seek help in cases of bigamy, adultery, desertion, cruelty, impotency and other legal grounds on which divorces and separations are granted. They are more willing to take the chance of building a new life for themselves. In other words, divorce no longer puts the final seal of 'ostracisation' on a woman's life.