A dog's life

Problems arise when dog and man vie for the same woman's attention.

Canines, they say, are a man’s best friend. It’s true in most parts, but not always. Problems, however, arise when dog and man vie for the same woman’s attention. It’s worse for the man when the dog captures the woman’s heart effortlessly. And this is a battle man is bound to lose.

After all, who is the better candidate when the woman’s affection is the bone of contention?

It may not be all bad, though. If you love a woman who reciprocates, but showers more love on her ‘kid’ a mere mention of the said ‘kid,’ done in the right manner, might get you out of a few tight spots. But be careful as to what you say! Referring to the pets as ‘dog’ or ‘bitch’ may raise your special one’s hackles, so it's better to refer to her special one by name. No amount of giving her the puppy eyes can save you: she has learnt to cope with it, thanks to her very own puppy.

Use mild to strong diminutives when referring to other canine specimens in front of her. Start with ‘doggie’. Use ‘he’, ‘she’ or ‘they.’ And avoid mimicking Dharmendra’s dialogues at all costs, or your girl/woman has every chance of turning into Lady Rambo and draw first blood! You might even have to sleep on the couch, like the proverbial ‘gali ka kutta...’

But then, exactly do you know if your loved one is, to put it quite mildly, a ‘dog-lover?’ You’ll know. Just like I did when I recently saw my wife egging on a Husky in a YouTube video to bark a little louder to scare off a baby that was playing with him. She then sagely explained to me that the infant was disturbing the pooch. 

On screen, however, there seemed that no love was lost. The wife's love for canines had been more than apparent, though. She lost her centenarian (in dog years) German Shepherd earlier this year, but still refers to him in the present tense. His stories always make her smile, no matter what. He still looks at her from the desktop wallpaper and a photo in a glass-door cabinet. And I have been shown my place in her heart in no uncertain terms.

Nevertheless, I soldier on. That’s what most of us would do. The more ambitious among us, however, might try to emulate their special one’s canine companions, nuzzling their loved ones, asking to be scratched on the head and so on. I would be lying if I said I definitively know what the girl’s reaction would be. But it’s worth a shot, right? Something tells me she might just reciprocate more affectionately. If she does, congratulations! You just started living a dog’s life, and it’s much better than what it’s made out to be!