JOIN USUntil recently I was usefully employed and had 14 hours a day routine. Life was one mad rush. I have now retired from work and I am at wits’ end as to how to spend my time. Imagine getting up in the morning with no aim in life. One fine morning, I got up from sleep and had this brilliant idea staring at me, brilliant only if the government accepts it.
That is to offer my services as minister for inaugurations. I can then relieve the ministers of the drudgery of low value addition jobs like inaugurating a modern laundry to replace an existing dhobi ghaat. I can inaugurate all the flyovers which are ready after years of overshooting deadlines, but they haven’t found time.
The other day, I saw a one room building near a school entrance and it had a big inauguration board. The building had been inaugurated by a Central minister. I could easily do that in the future. Then there are new petrol pumps to be inaugurated or a new wing in a government hospital to be opened or a newly imported ECG machine to be installed. There is one too many marches to be flagged off.
A Union minister had to run for cover to escape the wrath of the local MLA’s followers because the minister had not invited the MLA while he was inaugurating a ticket counter, yes, a ticket counter, at a tertiary station. I could have easily taken that heavy responsibility.
There are a host of other duties I could perform. My professional work took me to a number of countries a number of times and I began to understand those subtle nuances that separate the Japanese from the Spaniards or the Germans from the Americans. I could be the minister-in-charge for receiving the visiting dignitaries keeping the contextual protocol in mind. I know how to propose a toast in a formal dining setting. I could be the official toastmaster for all these occasions and additionally be the minister in waiting when we have a royal visiting us.
I have another irresistible offer to make. I will do this and more, expecting no monetary compensation in return, except an official car with red beacon light on top with a siren blowing so that while performing my duties I don’t get stuck in the crawling traffic.
I do hope that the powers that be will give me the golden opportunity to serve the nation.