JOIN USRight from Clapton crooning ‘You look wonderful tonight’, to Bappi Lahiri warbling, ‘You are my chicken fry’, we have learnt that praise is the most beautiful form of interpersonal communication. Don’t we just love praise? We thrive on it!
Social media has leveraged this human need and created emoticons: bright, yellow faces are now ready arsenal in our mission to praise others so that they also do the same unto us.
But for every string of cheerful, yellow faces, there are comment trolls. Criticism. A frown conveying disapproval, a simple ‘naw, that does not work’ or a disparaging note can break our spirits. We don’t like to be criticised. Even if we — somewhere deep down — know that we were wrong or did deserve that rap on our knuckles, we still don’t like it.
What is it about criticism that hurts so much? Do we view it narrowly, like blind men probing the elephant?
According to research done at the Psychiatry Department at the University of California, San Diego, there are two portions of our brain that dictate how we emotionally process and respond to criticism: the amygdala and the medial prefrontal cortex.
The amygdala is our executive assistant: it helps in prioritising things for us. It plays a key role in our formation of emotional memories, while the medial prefrontal cortex regulates how we react to emotional stimuli (like criticism).
Our brain generates a fight or flight response in the face of criticism, which is why it feels ‘threatening’. A poor annual appraisal certainly won’t kill you, but it might make you feel like your career and livelihood are endangered.
We are acutely sensitive to what can potentially hurt us. And we don’t forget it easily. This is called the negativity bias: we remember criticism longer than we recall praise.
Interestingly, we all handle criticism differently.
Here are some of the most common ways people deal with criticism. I decided to represent the types through cartoon characters:
The Sad Sack
Like the self-critical character from the comic strip created by Sgt. George Baker during World War II, some people seem to accept criticism rather well on the surface while internally beating themselves to a pulp. They nurse a low self-esteem and are overly hard on themselves.
The Charlie Brown
Remember Charlie Brown, the nervous character from Peanuts? Much like the Sad Sack, he is acutely aware of criticism. However, instead of directing the hurt inwardly, he employs gentle sarcasm towards the world to justify what he stands for.
The Homer Simpson
The lovable Homer Simpson does not lose sleep over criticism. He tells himself that his critic is somewhat misguided, and is fine to leave it at that. Some people choose to ignore criticism and just move on.
The Betty Cooper
The adorable, kind-hearted, though temperamental girl next door, Betty cares deeply for the well-being of others and is always ready to help people with their problems. She is like a hamster on wheels when it comes to taking in criticism and works constantly to improve, especially to grab Archie’s attention.
Which one are you like?
Regardless of that, the lesson overall is that criticism floats around us bountifully like mosquitoes in Bengaluru. And, some of it may just be the salt to improve ourselves. Many of us take criticism more personally than we should, and that’s where we’re getting it wrong. View it as an observation on what you did, not what you are. If you disagree with the criticism, feel free to reject it internally without getting hot behind the ears.
Make sure you derive all the goodness that may be residing in the criticism by asking questions like, “What are some specifics that I got wrong?” or “Could you describe an example of how you’d like me to handle this in the future?”
You’ll facilitate a more open and professional discourse with your critic and, hopefully, you can both end the conversation on good terms.
Criticism is valuable — it fuels improvement, it weeds out the bad. Where would the entire mother and daughter-in-law relationship, and in turn, the money-spinning television-serials-industry be without criticism? We’d be watching only wildlife channels, I guess. And, criticising the elephant.