Be open to exploring different options

Ask Your Counsellor

Dear Madam,

I have two daughters. My elder daughter is good looking and amiable. She attracts attention, be it in a family function or among her friends. My younger daughter, however, is a plain-looking, quiet and shy girl. Though at home we all share a good bond, I feel that my younger daughter is becoming conscious of these differences of late and shies away from mingling with people. As a parent, I am a little worried. Kindly advise on how I can boost her confidence.

Ruchi

Dear Ruchi,

Could it be that your younger one senses the inferiority that you are thrusting upon her? Judgments and comparisons are experienced in very subtle ways by the person being judged and compared. Often these are not judgments and comparisons by society at large, but by the immediate family and close circle. Are we equating worth with looks and extroversion? Or are we able to find worth in whatever strengths a person has? Can we treat both as different and diverse individuals of equal worth, rather than attributing more importance to one strength over another.

The reality is that both girls will be different, no matter what. Can we celebrate that difference instead of being “worried” about them? Some introspection may help give you the answers you are seeking.

Dear Madam,

I have completed my graduation and have taken a gap year to prepare for competitive exams. I am often gripped with fear that I may not clear the exams. I have lost hope and am not able to prepare well. Kindly help.

Gayathri

Dear Gayathri,

Exam anxiety is common and generally happens because we assume that we will not do well and that our entire life depends on our success in the exam. The reality is that you do not have any psychic powers to predict the future and so cannot say with any certainty that you will not do well. It is just you thinking that you will not do well. Adopt a more positive approach and start thinking that you will do well.

Secondly, the fact that your life depends on it, is a myth. Believe in yourself. Even if, for some reason, you are not able to clear this exam, you can still have a meaningful life. While this door of competitive exams may close for you, other doors may open. When we think there is only one possible definition of success, we put enormous pressure on ourselves. The truth is that there are many possible definitions of success in life, provided we are open enough to explore them and go with the flow of life. Have confidence in yourself. You can have a meaningful life in more ways than just one.

Dear Madam,

I am working in an MNC. Initially I was extremely happy that I got placed in a good company through campus placements. But now I have lost interest in my job and the field as well. I feel like switching to a different field, but my parents are against it. They feel that I get a good salary and it is a stable job. Kindly advise.

Manish

Dear Manish,

Sometimes we get disillusioned by the world of work because we haven’t spent time understanding ourselves and what really interests us and have just followed the standard route to get there. Our parents are often anxious about our future and they do not generally encourage any variation to the tried and tested path that has worked for them.

The reality is that we each have to find our own path, which matches our interests, abilities, and strengths with the practical needs of providing us an adequate and comfortable lifestyle. So, while you do not find your current role fulfilling, have you spent time thinking about what you would find more fulfilling? It is very easy to be dissatisfied with what you have, but unless you really know what you want, how can you go about finding it. So before discussing this further with your parents, please spend time learning more about yourself and what you would prefer to do. Taking the help of a career coach for this may prove to be beneficial.