Dismantle the drama triangle

Have you heard of the drama triangle? Imagine a workplace where a manager constantly blames an employee for poor results, another coworker steps in to defend the employee, and soon everyone feels frustrated and misunderstood.

This is a classic example of the drama triangle—a pattern of interaction in which people assume the roles of a victim, persecutor, and rescuer. Developed by psychologist Stephen Karpman, the drama triangle helps explain why certain conflicts repeat and how people unconsciously get trapped in unhelpful dynamics.

Psychological concepts often provide insight into the subconscious mind and can be helpful in our interactions with others. The idea here is to understand the concepts of the drama triangle and the empowerment triangle (also called the empowerment dynamic—TED) and how we can use them to move the needle in our careers.

There are psychological payoffs for every behaviour in a drama triangle. The person denied promotion might have deflected responsibility at work or lacked the skills. But blaming office politics would deflect responsibility. The person who is always in the rescuer mode, neglecting his own work, may be seeking validation from others.

The drama triangle theory also states that the same person will switch between different roles depending on the situation. The limitation of the drama triangle is that it limits our self-expression and freedom. This is why it is called the dreaded drama triangle.  

Empowerment triangle: The remedy?   

Imagine a manager who is always critical of your work, motivating you to do better and working with you to solve the problem, without blaming you. Or a senior software developer learning artificial intelligence (AI) tools and consumer behaviour to create better software, rather than worrying about how AI will make him jobless. Or a colleague willing to coach people on how to approach a task instead of creating dependency on her. 

It is not nirvana or magic but the empowerment triangle. Conceived by David Emerald, it is formally called The Empowerment Dynamic (TED). It promises harmony and self-fulfilment if you change your state of mind. These triangles hinge on creating, coaching, and consulting.

The empowerment triangle asks you to move from being a victim to someone who can create circumstances that help you and coach people, rather than take up the burden of a full rescue. Invites you to have a consultant who can solve problems, rather than someone critical who provides no direction.

The changing mental models

The way you think and the way you interact with the world are mental models. They help you better understand the world. For example, if you are not sharing a smart way of working, your mental model indicates a scarcity mindset.

The drama triangle sees problems and reacts with anxiety. A person in the drama triangle is easily distracted. She hopes for an agreement and waits for her turn to speak, and orients the entire conversation to see how it affects her work.

David Emerald argues that the human operating system operates on three pillars. They are Focus (F), Internal States (IS), and Behaviour (BE). Shifting our mental model, he states, can improve our lives and our careers. Often, how you focus on a particular challenge depends on your internal state and your behaviour in that situation.

Thus, the empowerment triangle describes a creator mindset in which the focus is on outcomes, your internal state is one of passion, and you take baby steps to reach the goal.

For example, if you want your organisation to make new investments, an outcome-driven approach will enable you to showcase increased business or profitability to senior management. You will strive with passion to build consensus in the organisation and take small but continuous steps to keep the momentum.

The empowerment triangle also encourages you to listen deeply, focus on the other person, leverage your intuition, and consider the broader context. But it is not just about engaging with others in the organisation. It provides an opportunity for self-growth in situations where you are answerable to only yourself.

It also provides a window to shift your attitude. You could be resisting a job change because you are comfortable and worried about being unable to succeed in the new organisation. How would you avoid seeking help from your colleagues often, claiming to be busy or occupied, to avoid learning new things? How would you coach yourself out of the self-persecution? What baby steps would you take to reduce your fears? All these become easier when you understand the empowerment triangle.

Do theories really work?

People are sceptical about the practicality of frameworks like the empowerment triangle, especially given that there are no immediate, observable changes after understanding these concepts.

However, many of our limiting subconscious behaviours of victimhood, such as blaming others or defensiveness, have been conditioned from childhood. They are hard to dislodge by a single article or a workshop.

Exposure to these concepts provides us with insights into how to be proactive in creating opportunities and engaging with people at work and outside with a sense of freedom and self-expression.