Forget and forgive: who does it better?

In the battle of the sexes, women have long claimed that they can remember things better and longer than men. These women, of course, are referring to birthdays, anniversaries, the names and correct ages of their children, and that their school concert starts at 5 pm next Friday. True, many men, too, remember the basic important things in life, like Sachin’s score of 89 in 2010 against the Rajasthan Royals, and that their second-hand Fiat Padmini used to give great mileage at 19 km per litre, but sports and cars aside, some husbands have difficulty remembering matters like taking out the trash. Or that they should leave office early to be at the school concert by 5 pm.

Oops. What’s your name again?

Research studies have validated theories on gender and memory, especially the edge women have over men. But it’s a fact that as we age, both men and women have equal trouble recalling stuff, from where the hell they parked their car, to gaffes like blanking out on the name of the visiting Head of State whose hand one is shaking, at the White House.

Women, say doctors, may be excused lapses during menopause, when neurological changes occur — they simply cannot help ‘brain fog’ that suddenly sets in. But this is a passing phase, and in their 60s, an obsession with solving Sudoku and Wordle, and keeping track of who is currently married to whom in Bollywood restores a lot of their memory power. Life is full of stories of famous people who’ve suffered memory lapses. Agatha Christie, like a character in her novels, mysteriously disappeared for 11 days in 1926 and was later discovered 200 miles away, with no recollection of how she even got there. Brad Pitt has a face we adore, but don’t be shocked if he can’t remember yours: Pitt suffers from prosopagnosia, an inability to recognise distinguishing characteristics that make a face unique. Courtney Cox (Monica) cannot remember shooting entire episodes of Friends. Stephen King admits, “There’s one novel, Cujo, that I barely remember writing at all”. He often reads stacks of pages to find out what’s happening in the story, with no clue that he even wrote them.

Men or women, ‘after a certain age’ (like my age now), behave strangely, and perhaps you too are reaching this stage. There could be times when you place your phone inside the microwave, your car keys in your freezer, and wonder why you are brushing your hair with the TV remote. You’ll also discover your friends are getting as ditzy as you are. You’ll have bizarre conversations, like say, a movie you saw the previous night. “Hey, you MUST see this new movie on Netflix! No, Amazon Prime. Sorry, was it Disney? Anyway, it has this guy, you know that one…oh gosh, that guy we were all talking about only last week… he’s married to that woman; oh god I know her name starts with A! She keeps adopting babies, oh no, sorry, not that one; this one goes off into the wild by herself, and remember how she cried and cried at the Oscars… but I really love the way she dresses for the red carpet, but why on earth did she wear a saree for the Ambani wedding… wait! Now what was I talking about?” You’ll wonder if you’ve lost your mind. Yes, you have. But don’t worry, you’ll eventually find it again…like your car keys.

(He Said/She Said is a monthly column on gender issues — funny side up. Reach the author at [e-mail])