Unapologetically original

In-house toxicity always made it harder to own our identities but now is the time to come out of the shadows, writes Shilok Mukkati

In this challenging time, we all find our ways to be with family — our kin. Most of us flew far to build our nests in the city of dreams, to find wings so as to fly. Now we are back to the houses we grew up in, and we are back with our own blood. It sounds exciting. Exciting to know you are in your safe zone again. But not all of us feel the same. There is an unknown story of the grey zone in stories of kinship, behind our Instagram stories. The alliance that everyone seeks is an adversary with some of us, in our queerness. Some of our adversaries are masking with Insta smiles, and some of us can’t even afford the masks. The beauty of being any spectrum of this rainbow is “you create yourself.” And, how beautiful is that? We ran from our families or found ways to go far from home — the home filled with violation, isolation, and objection to our existence. We ran so far and fast till we could accept ourselves, to find people like us who empathise and soften that run. Now we are back again amidst the same four walls where we locked down ourselves once. This time we all are together and not alone. We passed our tickets many times to not return, found reasons to miss those tickets. It was hard to breathe freely around the unapologetic unacceptance — this time, we are forcing ourselves to breathe harder. And this time, we can tell ourselves that “you are not all alone in this.” It’s time to transcend their ignorance with the visibility of our reality. The visibility we feared for long. To find the voice — the voice that was loud outside in the air — and to bring it inside and make them hear it for once.

The world had all its time calling us unnatural, erasing us from realism. It’s time to redefine what is real, where it all began — home! Redo many unfinished jobs. To stand tall and far from the same old nosy neighbours. I know every LGBTQIA+ individual has a personal journey, but we all got the same agenda somehow. An agenda to be accepted of our reality in our own house. Especially with non-cisgender or non-binary people. The walls might remind one of the unforgettable abuses. In-house toxicity always made it harder to own who we are. We all have different stories here, and we all have the same shadows under these stories.

Now all I want to do is not run away anymore. I want to sit tight like a legit rock. I shall reclaim what is mine and who I am. I have learned the art of self-creation. It’s time to be more creative with strategic actions. To clear the air in the house — no more masks and no more hushes. To feel the same wings internally, feel safe, and write a different story of who I am and where I come from without any regrets. The phrase “When life gives you lemons make a lemonade,” never turns old, isn’t it?

(The author is a performer, poet & feminist activist who has left a mark with her art, poetry, LGBTQIA+ talks, and feminist ideologies. This column will share untold stories of inclusivity & diversity.)