The art of relationships

Good relationships don’t just happen. Personal or professional, they demand time, effort, faith and the conviction to make it work, writes Mary Chelladurai

Truth is I’ll never know all there is to know about you just as you will never know all there is to know about me. Humans are by nature too complicated to be understood fully. So, we can choose either to approach our fellow human beings with suspicion or to approach them with an open mind, a dash of optimism and a great deal of candour.
- Tom Hanks

Being social creatures, all of us are entangled in the web of relationships. As Dale Carnegie says in his book How to win friends and influence people, in every individual “there is a deep driving desire to master the principle of human relations”. Our happiness as well as our sense of self-worth and self-esteem rest upon our skill to nurture relationships and deal with people and emotions.

All relationships depend on the principle of mutual accommodation. Who we truly are is linked to the people we associate with and those we love. Deep within, there is an ardent thirst to master the art of relationships.

Let us look at the essential elements of an enduring relationship:

-Steadfast communication: Communication needs to be built on right
understanding, with no urge to judge, but with an intent to understand first and then, to be understood. This will help in sealing and cementing relationships.

- Sensitivity and responsiveness: Each of us has our own way of responding to situations. Some are shy by nature, others more forthcoming. Let us not impose our ways on others. Be sensitive; hear, in essence, what may not be said. This will help keep the doors of comfort and friendship open.

- Expectations: Among the big issues in any relationship, there’s expectations;
disappointments and frustrations erupt as a consequence of not living up to these expectations. Minimal expectation is the key to happiness and better relationships.

-Responsibilities: Let us not always expect others to take responsibility; it is good to set an example by taking ours seriously. And when things go wrong, make an effort to forgive and let go.

- Adaptability: The environment may not always match our moods. Be alert; know when to have fun and when to be serious, when to be over the top and when to be invisible, when to take charge and when to follow.

-Openness: As we grow older, most of us get set in our convictions, and often argue. We may or may not win an argument, but we ultimately lose good will - and often, the relationship, too.  So, let us keep an open mind, view things from others’ perspective and not be aggressive or obstinate with our own set thoughts.

- Praise-worthiness: Instead of fanning blame, take the road of praise and appreciation. As Abraham Lincoln succinctly put it, “Everybody likes a compliment”. So, why not be generous with them? But don’t just say the words, mean them, too.