Comparision kills passion

When exams approach, every child goes through the pressure of expectations to score high. Scoring an A plus or 95 percentage is generally expected by parents and this thought hovers around their minds as a matter of self-worth and keeping their parents’ image high. When the results are out, it is a general trend for parents to compare their child’s results with other kids or with their own siblings. This comparing attitude would do no good rather it can affect your child’s esteem and self-worth. Parents are under the impression that it would create a healthier environment but indeed comparability drives angst, which drives serious illnesses like depression. We are all aware that scholastic results are not an indicator of success in life and we need to stop over-emphasizing on scores. 

Firstly, academics is not everybody’s cup of coffee. Every child is unique and their talents and weaknesses must be accepted. Parents really need to get over this and realise that if their children are not scoring high marks, it is completely fine. Even if they are getting below that it is still fine. One need not reprimand the child. The stigma attached to failing or scoring low is played up unknowingly by parents, leading the child to feel alienated, guilty, depressed, and in extreme cases, suicidal. Youngsters need to know that they can rely on their parents no matter what and that academic failure is not the end of the world. Of course, if late night Internet surfing and lack of attention to studying are the causes of failure, you need to tackle the root cause of such behaviour first, rather than attacking the person.

I do not mean to say that you should not motivate your children to perform. But what I sternly suggest is that one need not be forceful on your set expectations on them, you can always coax and guide them to a point they understand and comprehend. One should ensure that their children don’t try to waste too much of their time with friends, phones or laptops. And they need to draw a line, but again it all matters where parents draw it.

Parents should stop baseless comparisons. It will hurt the sentiments of their child when they found degraded in front of their peers. It is the right time to end it. Every child is different, gifted with unique capabilities and talents. And what we suggest the parents at this juncture is to be careful about their comments. Whatever happens, parents must say and feel, “It is fine.” And they should encourage their children with the same comfort when they see their kids undergo a similar condition or situation. Scoring low marks is not the end of the world, neither for them nor for their parents. Parents should acknowledge the fact that they have better things to look out.

Remain positive

Parents should always remember this and tell it to their children that schools are not the only way where they can grow intelligent and academically strong but through other venues too. Parents should discover the best out of their children and motivate them in that path to achieve his areas of interest. Parents should always learn to boost their children’s self-esteem by appreciating them in things that they are good at, instead of bringing their spirit down due to academic failure -- this treatment may sometimes translate into more self-confidence and better grades.

One of the vital aspects is that parents should be cautious in guiding their child’s attitude in judging others. They should teach their children to refrain from indulging in unhealthy comparisons with other children. They should be taught that success and winning is not everything in life, rather should be taken as a process. Parents should recognise even the minimal efforts and should reward their children even when the outcome is not impressive as it should be, and failure should be accepted gracefully as one of life’s many lessons.

Finally, and most importantly, make sure that your children know that you love them unconditionally. Make them feel more comfortable to approach and rely on you in any case -- be it a failure or anxiety about an exam or life otherwise. Parents should teach their children’s academic report status does not change their relationship with them. Provide your children with a lot of support and assure them that you would always stand by them and motivate them to fare well in life. The more they fail in their efforts, ceaselessly support them to never give up on their goals and keep improving for the better.

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