<p>All 65 kgs of him. He makes a lightening dash for any available lap, toppling the startled lap owner. His obsession is food.<br /><br />Nimboo is a mongrel who is nobody's dog. No amount of scratching behind the ear reduces him to a wobbling mass of ecstatic dog flesh. <br /><br />His primary obsession is sex. He spends all his time lusting after an aging female stray who carries on her person the seductive waft of a dozen garbage bins.<br />To prevent two very different canine personalities from getting into a headlong clash, we thought we would divide their territories. <br /><br />Nimboo is on the outside, the designated guardian of gate and garden. Friday looks after the interiors. <br /><br />Which he thinks makes it his bounden duty to shed hair on sofas, hide bones in shoes and clamber all over beds…preferably with the sleeping occupants in them. <br />Like the British, we never guessed that a division of territories would lead to a lasting feud in the Indo-Pak mode. We call it the ‘Battle of Peeing Rights’. <br /><br />Friday is required to go outdoors and pee. So naturally Nimboo thinks it is his right to come indoors to pee. Which is not allowed. <br /><br />So here we have all the makings of a family feud. “(In the genre made famous by Ambani siblings) Nimboo sets up a neighbour rousing protest in the deep watches of the night.” How come he can pee in my territory and I cannot pee in his?”<br />I try to talk it over, woman to dog, how it’s just not practical for him to come in to do his job. “But this is not fair,” he yelps.<br /><br />“Life is not fair,” I tell him. It’s something we all accept. “Unfortunately philosophy is not Nimboo's strong suit. Not for nothing have his breed, for generations evaded BBMP dog squads and lathi-wielding watchmen and lived to procreate in the lanes of Ulsoor. <br /><br />He is a fighter, a rebel and he is angry, “I’ll drag you through every court in the country,” he says. “Surely there are fundamental right for dogs in the Constitution.” <br />“I hope you know that courts take their own time,” I inform him.<br /><br />“Well, then I will go to the media. I will talk to every TV channel and give interviews about my peeing rights being violated. <br />Except for Maneka Gandhi, no one gives a woof about dog’s peeing rights.” “You've been bought over,” he says accusingly. “You are as corrupt and partisan as all those politicians.” <br />“Please understand, Nimboo, that we love you just as much as we love Friday and this is not about caste discrimination or racial profiling or corruption.”<br />But he is not listening any more. He has just discovered a weapon just recently launched. <br />“I will take full page ads in all the newspapers to tell the world just what is going on around here,” he growls.<br /></p>
<p>All 65 kgs of him. He makes a lightening dash for any available lap, toppling the startled lap owner. His obsession is food.<br /><br />Nimboo is a mongrel who is nobody's dog. No amount of scratching behind the ear reduces him to a wobbling mass of ecstatic dog flesh. <br /><br />His primary obsession is sex. He spends all his time lusting after an aging female stray who carries on her person the seductive waft of a dozen garbage bins.<br />To prevent two very different canine personalities from getting into a headlong clash, we thought we would divide their territories. <br /><br />Nimboo is on the outside, the designated guardian of gate and garden. Friday looks after the interiors. <br /><br />Which he thinks makes it his bounden duty to shed hair on sofas, hide bones in shoes and clamber all over beds…preferably with the sleeping occupants in them. <br />Like the British, we never guessed that a division of territories would lead to a lasting feud in the Indo-Pak mode. We call it the ‘Battle of Peeing Rights’. <br /><br />Friday is required to go outdoors and pee. So naturally Nimboo thinks it is his right to come indoors to pee. Which is not allowed. <br /><br />So here we have all the makings of a family feud. “(In the genre made famous by Ambani siblings) Nimboo sets up a neighbour rousing protest in the deep watches of the night.” How come he can pee in my territory and I cannot pee in his?”<br />I try to talk it over, woman to dog, how it’s just not practical for him to come in to do his job. “But this is not fair,” he yelps.<br /><br />“Life is not fair,” I tell him. It’s something we all accept. “Unfortunately philosophy is not Nimboo's strong suit. Not for nothing have his breed, for generations evaded BBMP dog squads and lathi-wielding watchmen and lived to procreate in the lanes of Ulsoor. <br /><br />He is a fighter, a rebel and he is angry, “I’ll drag you through every court in the country,” he says. “Surely there are fundamental right for dogs in the Constitution.” <br />“I hope you know that courts take their own time,” I inform him.<br /><br />“Well, then I will go to the media. I will talk to every TV channel and give interviews about my peeing rights being violated. <br />Except for Maneka Gandhi, no one gives a woof about dog’s peeing rights.” “You've been bought over,” he says accusingly. “You are as corrupt and partisan as all those politicians.” <br />“Please understand, Nimboo, that we love you just as much as we love Friday and this is not about caste discrimination or racial profiling or corruption.”<br />But he is not listening any more. He has just discovered a weapon just recently launched. <br />“I will take full page ads in all the newspapers to tell the world just what is going on around here,” he growls.<br /></p>
