What can we do to stop student suicides?

Why are so many of our young students taking their own lives? Sabita Prasad explains the causes, symptoms and remedies .

The recent spate of student suicides in colleges in Bangalore has stirred up a hornets’ nest, to say the least. Bangalore has already earned itself the name ‘suicide capital of India’. Does it need to get a new nomenclature as the ‘city of student suicides?’

Why is it that youngsters are becoming so vulnerable and snuffing out their precious lives? What makes them take this drastic step that is not only disastrous for them but also for the family they leave behind? What needs to be done and how can this be prevented? There have been any number of write-ups on how the education system should be and what the college authorities should do.

These are very important factors, but are factors whose focus of control remains external to the victims. I would like to focus on what the youngsters and their families can do to prevent this catastrophe.

It is important to understand that youngsters in the age group of 18 to 25 are highly vulnerable to pressure. They have just moved on from the adolescent phase, where it is seemingly okay to behave sometimes like an adult, and sometimes like a child, and the onus of decision making is not wholly on the individual. When the youngster crosses over from the teenage to the adult stage, a new set of norms start formulating. The individual is now a major and the accountability of one’s own actions take on a new meaning.

Added to this, being on par with peers becomes highly focused, be it achievements, success, and/ or handling relationships.

Though there is a lot of talk on how one needs to get into a career that one is passionate about, this is often mere lip talk, when it comes to the actual choosing of a professional education. Firstly, there is a desperate need to conform to what others are doing, and secondly there is a deep-rooted belief that in order to be successful, one needs to get into specific professions. Sometimes it is parental pressure, at other times it is wanting to pursue a course that their friends have chosen, and little thought is given to long-term effects of such impulsive decisions.

Added to this is the monetary investments made to pursue a course. Once the student realises that the course he has opted for is not his cup of tea, and is unable to cope with the associated pressure, he feels trapped. The student starts getting depressed and if there are no checks and balances to ward it off, or if timely help does not come in, it can prove fatal.

Signs and symptoms of depression:

*Loss of appetite, or constant pangs of hunger

*Continuous low mood or sadness

*Feelings of hopelessness and helplessness

*Low self-esteem

*Feeling tearful

*Feeling guilt-ridden

*Irritability and intolerance of others

*Lack of motivation or interest in things

*Unexplained aches and pains

*Lack of energy

*Disturbed sleep (for example, finding it hard to fall asleep at night and/or sleeping through out the day)

*Having suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming oneself

If 5-6 of the symptoms listed above persist for two weeks or more and are bad enough to interfere with ones’ studies, work, social and family life, it is a red signal. Do not hesitate to seek help.

The mind and body of such an individual is weak and vulnerable. Most of them are also away from home and may have problems of adjustment in the new environment. Signals of communication to family and friends echo these sentiments, and the most often used words are: “I am useless. I am a failure. I am feeling guilty. I am a burden on you.” and so on. The emotion of guilt runs high as the stakes involved are also high. If the student moves out of the course it is a hole in the parents’ pocket.

Other factors that add to the cup that is already brimming with woes are:

*Lack of opportunity to talk and vent out frustrations with parents

*Fear of being put down and ridiculed by them, and lack of family support

*Differing value systems of parents and children. A generation gap has always existed, but the rate of change is now phenomenal due to technological advances and globalisation

*Parents preaching a set of values, and not practicing the same

*Financial crunch

*Parental disharmony and their inability to see eye-to-eye on family issues

*Constant comparison to other siblings who are doing well

What students feeling depressed should do

*Find a confidante you can trust...can be a parent, a relative who is influential in the family circle, a friend or an empathetic faculty member

*Do not bottle up feelings hoping things will somehow settle down

*Deal with guilt, do not carry the burden. You are important to your parents

*Seek a counsellor who can help you deal with anxiety and also open up communication channels between you and your parents

*Remember if one door closes, another always opens

*Avoid spending too much time on your own. Addiction to TV/ Internet are escape mechanisms to avoid contact with others, and comes in the way of your ability to deal with the issues on hand

What friends can do

*If you notice depressive symptoms in a fellow student report it to the college authorities and parents.

*Help him /her express what he/she is feeling without giving any advice on what he/she should do.

*Listen without criticising, that will help the person vent out feelings of fear and guilt

*Until help comes, keep an eye on the whereabouts of the individual. Do not allow the individual to be alone.

What parents can do

*As mentioned depression sets in when pressures mount and the child is incapable of coping on his own. Watch out for the symptoms of depression. It is an illness, and unlike physical illness, signs of mental illness are very subtle.

*Do not be too forceful, too critical or ignore the matter.

*Allow the child to communicate, listen with empathy, and understand what the youngster is undergoing.

*A lot of hand-holding and support will have to be given to help the child sail through the course.

*If that does not work, you may have to think of your child discontinuing the course.

*Even if you are saying, “Come back, leave the course alone”, watch your body language and tone...do you mean what you say? Youngsters can easily pick up the mismatch between what you say and what you mean.

*At this juncture it may become important and critical to tell your child, that he/she matters more than the money spent on him/her.

*What appears to be a pin prick at first can fester into a wound, and the human mind can blow up like a balloon that is loaded with more air than it can handle. Take steps to prevent this from happening.

(The writer is a life coach and psychotherapist)