For a good bargain

God and I have frequent conversations. Sometimes, we even banter with each other, the last of which happened on the Republic Day when I was jogging around the Sankey tank.

This time, it was a bit different. He said:  Now that I have crossed the age of seventy-five, He was in the process of planning my next life. Being aware that I had lived a moderately lusty past, I knew that I won’t make the grade of one more stint in the human shape.
And seeing a lot of pigeons flying around, I asked God spontaneously to make me a pigeon in the next life but give me birth at the Trafalgar Square. I said that no one seems to care for pigeons in India but when we go to London, we go gaga over them, feed them, have them sit on our shoulders and take their pictures. I would love that God, I pleaded.

No, said God, Trafalgar Square is already too crowded with pigeons to have you there. I spotted a duck diving in and out and asked to be a duck in my next life but I wanted to be located in the Lake District in England. I said that the tanks here are too polluted for ducks to enjoy a dive.

He brushed aside my suggestion and said that he had planned me to be a four legged creature. I jumped with joy and shouted. Make me a pet dog in the USA, I would really love it. That is the only country I know where they have five star hotels for pet dogs, separate sections in shops for snacks for dogs and also pharmacies specialising in pet dogs medicines. And surely you know God, dogs there have organic foods and shampoos.

Also God, by your grace, they are allowed to date and mate and they even have beer bars specially designed for them where they can hang around wearing designers’ clothes. And I love draught beer, I added. That is also a place where the owners clean the poo of their pets. And surely you know God that they even have 24x7 manicurist and pedicurists’ outlets there. God said that when he looked at the balance sheet of my life, I could perhaps qualify for another tenure as a human, He added tentatively. In human form, I chose Bhutan and pleaded to be sent there because that is where happiness index rules and not the GDP.

Why not right here, God asked? You are familiar with the surroundings. Not here, God, please. One life here is enough and I told him that without His help I couldn’t even cross the road safely. I also narrated my other woes like the breakdown of all systems. Listen God, I pleaded, please don’t send me back to the country that has hard core criminal politicians running it and added that I would send Him a zipped copy of our constitution so that He could see for Himself the gap between what is preached and what is practiced.

India, it shall be, God announced. If that be my fate, I asked him to please make me a driver or a cook of an MLA or MP because here even they are crorepatis. God looked down and walked away.

I am waiting for His verdict.