Pay attention to emotional quotient

Attitudinal change

We all have wondered when people with average intelligence quotient (IQ) levels have shown better leadership, sometimes even better than leaders with higher IQ. And then there are people who have exceptional levels of self-control. They rarely give in to their emotions when facing stressful situations, where many others would find themselves emotionally unstable.

Also, people who pursue their goals and follow self-defined norms with a certain religiosity are singular and awe-inspiring. What marks out people like these is their high level of emotional intelligence (EI) when compared to other people.

Explaining the concept of emotional intelligence, Dr Shwetank Bansal, consultant psychiatrist at Better Me-Mental Health Services says, “Emotional Intelligence is the ability to be in touch with one’s emotions, as well as the feelings of others and being able to adapt and act accordingly.”

In other words, it is an umbrella term that also includes interpersonal skills like good communication/social abilities, ability to motivate others and oneself, empathy and intrapersonal skills like self-awareness and self-regulation of one’s emotions, as defined by psychologist and science journalist Daniel Goleman in his seminal book ‘Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ’.

Image Consultant Sheena Agarwaal from ‘Urbanista Image Consulting’ says, “Good interpersonal skills like listening, verbal clarity, non-verbal communication like mapping people’s mood and understanding the unsaid things enable us to work in groups and teams, formally or in social situations. These skills are essential to developing other key life skills which are crucial to problem-solving.”

Explaining why people with good interpersonal skills often display good leadership qualities, Agarwaal says, “These people being good listeners, motivators, negotiators, problem-solvers and decision-makers, know how to inspire people and to get things done. “That is why, while selecting a candidate for a high profile job, all these qualities are assessed,” she tells Metrolife.

Dr Bansal also points out a recent study conducted at the Carnegie Institute of Technology which indicates that someone’s financial prosperousness depends largely on his/her ability to understand humans emotions and other nuances relating to it rather than just having technical knowledge of the job.

On the other hand, many human problems arise due to mismanaged emotions and the inability to identify, handle and communicate them.

This is other side of EI- intrapersonal skills. The capability to know one’s feelings, strengths and weaknesses and recognise their impact on oneself and others; regulating one’s negative emotions and harnessing them towards a goal and adapting oneself to changing needs is an essential quality of people displaying high EI. These people are also better at handling stress unlike people who fall under depression or become aggressive when stimulated by external factors.

Dr Madhu Kotiya, a spiritual counsellor and a pranic psychotherapist, says that the chief reason for increasing mental and physical disorders among people is “the little control they exercise over their emotions and drives”. “People have no control over themselves and give in to impulsive emotions which lead to an imbalance, physically as well as mentally,” she says.

Experts feel that the way to handle extreme emotions and developing self-awareness is to “connect to your inner self”. Connecting to your inner self means being able to identify what triggers your emotions and why, and then improving them, as pointed by Goleman. “All the spiritual saints like the Buddha and Confucius had a high emotional intelligence as they were completely attuned to their emotions,” Dr Kotiya tells Metrolife.

Only when one learns the art of governing emotions can one empathise with others and understand their behaviour. Concurs Dr Kotiya and says that the reason behind the lack of empathy in today’s world is the disconnect within the individual.

Unlike IQ, which cannot be altered, EI is something that can be learnt over a period of time. Psychologists agree to the fact that one can become more emotionally intelligent by training oneself to handle extreme emotions and the responses they trigger.

“One of the best ways to connect with your self is meditation, which helps one to calm down and detach oneself from impulsive feelings of the moment,” says Dr Kotiya.