It is good to feel bad

acceptance

Sanjay, all of 17, was severely reprimanded by his lecturer for not submitting his record notebook on the due date.

The lanky boy hung his head in shame and looked sideways at his friends who were standing by the door. Reassured, he mumbled a cursory apology and exited the staff room. Before long, his pals cheered him up and soon, the gang was off to watch a movie.

When Sheila, 12, was scolded by her mother for not keeping her room clean, her teenaged cousin Leila consoled her saying, “Moms are like that only. Even mine never misses an opportunity to pick on me. So don’t worry, chill!”

Evan, 22, a waiter at a high-end restaurant, was clumsy while serving tea to a regular customer and was taken to task by his manager. When he returned to the kitchen, his colleagues told him that there was no point in moping because the manager was incapable of digesting his meals if he did not chew up one of his underlings every day.

These are but random instances. Yet there is a line of commonality that strings them together. In every cited case, the person who was pulled up for his or her mistake felt victimised. Not for long did the person pause to reflect on what they did wrong.

The already dormant conscience was further assuaged by an empathetic consoler who made a villain out of the conscientious disciplinarian.

How many times have we not been party to or at least witnessed scenes where the pointlessness of feeling bad is underscored? Then comes the scolding of the ‘scolder’ for finding faults unnecessarily and making proverbial mountains out of molehills. Eloquent empathisers will go a step further and cite a track record of similar situations and ridicule the stickler in good measure.

Usually, martinets are nicknamed and made laughing stocks of their immediate society, fodder for the gossip gristmill. True, none of us like to be criticised. Often harsh words can make our hearts bleed much more than prickly thorns. It is during these times that we look up to our friends and well-wishers for emotional support. We feel lighter and better when we are comforted.

There is nothing wrong in craving for some reprieve when we are submerged by our blues, especially if we have been walked all over for no fault of ours. At such times, we will do well to follow the advice of our supporters and treat these instances as passing clouds. We must get on with our lives without attaching too much importance to the slights meted out to us.

Nevertheless, if we happen to be at fault, the best course of action would be to reflect and introspect on the subject. Then it will not be very difficult for us to see that we have erred and therefore have been admonished, albeit harshly. It is time for us to realise that it is alright to feel bad or guilty. It just shows that our conscience is functioning well.

The best step forward in such circumstances would be to apologise sincerely and correct the error and make a mental note of the new lesson that has been learnt. On the other hand, if we happen to be in the shoes of the sympathiser, we can lend a patient ear to those who are hurt, but must not fail to point out the need to apologise gracefully and set things right. If we get used to the ‘don’t care’ attitude, we will remain mediocre all our lives.