Virtual kitty parties don't have many takers

Lack of access to devices and inability to recreate the sense of comraderie are the reasons why most groups have decided to not meet until the pandemic is over

Kitty parties have been a common phenomenon in urban India. The phrase quickly brings to mind a group of middle-aged homemakers, playing games and gossiping over lunch at a neighbourhood restaurant, before revealing the lucky member of the group who would bag the kitty that month.

But kitty parties as we have known them have transformed in many ways. From the neighbourhood cafes and lunch spots, they have moved up to high-end restaurants. This new age version lures not only homemakers, but also working women and even their husbands

Ram Chugh, socialite, is a part of four kitties — Diner’s Club, Friday night kitty, Breakfast kitty, Coffee and Dessert kitty. He has been a part of these groups for over 20 years, and all of them cater exclusively to married couples. His kittys are all designed to break away the strict rules of kittys, such as dress code and themes. “We have grown out of that trend. My group is about having good food and company,” he says.

While there are many kitties that are accessible to a large group, more recently they have become a space for close knit groups. They tend to be open to friends or friends of friends at the most. The four kitties that Ram belongs to, for example, are only open to mutual friends. “We cannot allow any random person to be a part of our kitties. Since the idea is to be mingle it has to be someone everyone is comfortable with. So it’s pretty close knit that way,” he says.

Aarti Vaneet, homemaker, is part of Fantastic 12, a kitty for couples that live in Sadashiva Nagar. They are a group of six couples that came together about seven years ago, bonded by their common area of residence. Couple kitties are not new, she says. “My parents who used to live in Delhi are a part of a couple kitty, and they used to attend the meetings even before I got married,” she says.

Virtual meetings

Ram’s kitties used to meet once a month. The person whose name is drawn chooses a place where they would host the group. Since it’s all about fun, they dutch the bill, and the money pooled in goes to the host. However, they have not come together since their last meeting in February.

While virtual meetings and hangouts have become commonplace for many, most kitty groups in the city have decided to steer clear of them. “The idea is to meet people and have a good time. We eat, chit-chat and have fun; none of which is possible over a Zoom call,” explains Ram.

Mamatha Bharadwaj, member of Gopikas of Krishna Gardens and College Adda, says that they decided against virtual parties as most members are not tech savvy. “We had one Zoom meeting on Friendship Day. Otherwise, we haven’t seen each other since March,” she says. In the 10 years that she has been a part of these groups, this is the longest they have gone without meeting. Lack of availability of devices, bad network and disturbances, she says, are the other reasons why they decided to hold off on Zoom parties.

Fantastic 12 is one of the few groups that have decided to keep the momentum going online. “It is the only way we can catch up. The women still get on a phone call every now and then, but for the husbands, the Zoom call is the only time they get to connect,” she shares. The meetings don’t run long like earlier, and are focused on catching up, debating and discussing political issues and current events. “During the lockdown, on Sundays, we used to play Tambola online. It was good fun, but then a lot of people wanted in, and it became a little overwhelming for me. After the lockdown ended, we stopped,” she says.

No meeting soon

While the members miss each other, they have all decided to not resume their parties until next year. “The number of cases are increasing in the city and everybody has family, kids and elderly parents at home. We can’t take any chances so we are holding off until January 2021,” says Aarti.