Need a date? You can buy one here

Amazon Dating is a satirical platform where people can fake-purchase single men and women

With Valentine’s Day approaching, both the online and offline worlds are being painted in shades of red and pink by overzealous companies and enthusiastic couples. It is certainly not the ideal time to be single; which is why a lot of people got excited when they heard that Amazon had launched a dating site where one could buy prospective partners, both old and young!

Before you get your hopes up, it is a fake site, made by artists Ani Acopian, Suzy Shinn, Morgan Gruer, and Thinko, an animation studio that’s done other parody sites before, such as ScamDaddy and WhoPaid99Cents.

Shoppable singles, features mentioned

The user interface of the site is identical to the original, and the people featured here also have prices, reviews, stars, ratings and additional features. There are also detailed reviews from other users who clearly tell you what to expect from the product...er, person. And in true Amazon fashion, these potential suitors are available on Prime.

So if you click on John, 30, you will see that he has a four-star rating, is priced quite reasonably at $12.99 and also has options for one-hour delivery and free returns. He is an early stage bitcoin investor, wishes Obama was still POTUS and is into receiving gifts and spending quality time.

Metrolife tried placing an order for him (purely for academic purposes and not out of desperation) and it goes the whole hog. You place the order, get a delivery date and even a confirmation message! We didn’t have to pay anything so we are hoping that a ‘John’ will not land up in the office reception today.

Love (and laughs) just a click away

The makers have categorically stated (both in the ‘About’ and FAQs section) that the site is meant as a joke. However, they sure have put some thought into the site. If you click on the tab titled ‘Your last relationship’ in the dropdown menu, you are redirected to the Official music video of Britney Spears’ ‘Toxic’ on YouTube (an instant pick-me-up for the heartbroken). A tab that says ‘Don’t see what you are looking for?’ leads you to the Netflix website (brand integration done right we see!).

Dating apps, take note

At a time when trying one’s hand at dating online seems like a game of Russian roulette, many netizens are delighted with the elaborate joke and are exchanging notes on how such an app/website would actually be quite helpful. You know what to expect — Amy comes with a warning that she won’t text back — and there is also a ‘legal’ tab which asks you to fill out a vital and binding ‘Non-Ghosting Agreement’ to prevent both parties from bailing on a date — just what we need in today’s times.

Glimpse of a dystopian future?

The website has also sparked concern among some, with people pointing out that ‘selling’ a person dehumanises and insults them. Others say that the timing is terrible, coinciding with Black History Month, and including coloured people on the site is problematic and troubling. Some have been horrified at the unabashed commodification of romance.

Lighter criticisms have been along the lines of how this might possibly be the dystopian future the world is heading for, where technology will seep into the most intimate aspects of lives.
Others said it was a reflection of the problematic nature of hunting for potential partners on dating apps.

Facebook dating is a reality

Though Amazon (the real one) has staunchly declined to comment on the parody website, it might not be a far-fetched idea for the retail giant to get into the dating game. Last year, ‘Facebook dating’ went live and it comes with many benefits, including integration of the user’s Facebook and Instagram profiles. About time they utilised all the accumulated data about people and put it to some good use!